It travels to my toes and
  tingles my extremities
It’s the peak of an early morning stretch
  the last sensation of a sneeze
It happens when you laugh or
  when I envision your face
It matters not the time or place
I’m left staring at blank walls
  just to picture you
I could write a book of all
  the feelings I want to spew
I anticipate an eruption
to happen rather soon
I fear I may smother you
  in my molten affection
and you’ll run for safety to a
far place for your own protection
And only I, because I too strongly yearned
  will inevitably be the one burned

The sweat hanging from your curls dives
for my nose,      
         scales my cheeks
like salt hugging the shore
Drown me in your liquefied voice, let me drink until
my breath is gone so nothing can compare
         to your splendor
Constrict me you python, swallow me whole
  Let me s
               l
                i
                 d
                   e down your belly
and provide you nutritional value
    I hope I release your oxytocin
I value our bond and your body,
         mind, spirit, soul
I value your existence as a whole
   I miss you when I hear your name
   or when I'm possessed by a beat,
the sheer force of your stare
         So sinister, I am compelled
   to move for you

I’ve had my poise dipped by another wick
and your flicking gaze singes my threading
and I burn slow, spiral hazing up your nostrils
to your system of compounds dictating your
responses and I wait in trepidation for the short
spark in your eyes to fizzle before it strikes me
as an attempt to reignite a dull fuse that’s been
watered down by the waves of passionate chemical
reactions spontaneously combusting for reasons
different from you or I and cannot explain nor deny
the fact my wick for you won’t light

With you, it’s all mechanics.
Engineered reactions, if they register at all.
The gears never stop turning until
you ask me what do I want, and the
only thing I can think to say is
”Not you" so I say I’m unsure.
I lie, automatically. I’ve been
programmed to hide how I feel, but you’re
the engineer trying to fix me, to
rewire my intangible feelings.
I like to play with you, and lay with you.
But I can not see myself staying with you.
I care for you, about you, but I will never
fall in love with you. Your scent fills my nostrils
when we are together, but doesn’t linger
after we part. I want you to stay in my life, but
there is no special den for you in my heart.
My heart is heavy with the absence of passion,
the weight of the guilt bogs down my senses.
I lay lifeless, cold.

Sighing under my breath when
  They appear
I say home is where I’d like to be
  but I’m lying through my teeth
Anywhere else, I’d rather be
  than standing here, scanning,
maintaining smiles a plenty
When in my head, the marquee spins
  I DON’T CARE
about your benefits
about your money peeking from your pocket
about your cabinet installation
about what you spend a year
  I feign stabbing my eye socket
sliding my pointer finger across my throat
  wrapping both hands around it — choke me
  please, help me lose consciousness
so I may be excused from the hustle and
bustle and *******, I’m quitting this
  moment before my chest bursts with the
white hot intensity of condensed nerves and
pity when I look out before me and see
  strangers existing, constantly bewildered
  by everything, looking helpless, lost, frustrated
and the marquee spins
  I DON’T CARE
If I allow myself to connect
If I allow myself in their shoes
If I allow myself to care
  I would become
  one of Them
feeling helpless, lost, frustrated
and I would never be able to
maintain a smile or leave my bed