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  Dec 2014 rachel
remember to always follow your dreams.
starting this conditioning early instills the message so deep
that you're never quite aware, that in order to follow
your dreams you must first remain asleep
this is how they've created generation after generation
of obedient, self absorbed, consumerist sheep
where nothing is more precious to yourself then
the possessions that we keep
conforming to what's cool
owning the newest technology
and never looking cheap
join the hottest trends, stay in the loop
you're rising high on the social ladder
a fall from here is awfully steep
the fear of this fall turns you into a materialistic creep

these social constructs we all need to together break
or no one in our western society will ever truly be awake
December 8, 2014

rachel Nov 2014
The autumn leaves
Falling around me like rain
Like snow
Like the changing seasons and the changing tides inside my mind
They make me want to dance
They make me want to run through piles of leaflets bathed in words from the heart,
Love songs written in a flourish as if the world was ending
As if the ground was ablaze, ready to engulf me and char the pages on the ground

The leaves crunch in the most beautiful symphony
Composed by some entity of genius
They lie on the ground in all their colorful splendor
And they humbly rest
Waiting for the snow to fall
For the winter wind to freeze them and carry them away
rachel Oct 2014
I've been lying in bed for hours.
I don't see the point in getting up
How can I possibly live my life when you're gone?

I feel selfish
Spoiled that I'm still alive
I'm an awful person
If you aren't breathing anymore, why is it that I have that privilege?

It makes me wonder
It makes me angry
To even consider that there is a God
How can He exist if people as amazing as you are taken from this earth?

My breathing is lackluster in the dim light
The weight of blankets on my body buries me
That's how it should be
I feel your pain

I know I won't see you again
You belong in heaven and I will go to hell (if there are such places)
But in my heart I can remember you
With our memories I can laugh with you again
And in my dreams I can see you smile as if nothing happened.
Yesterday morning my good friend Stephen passed away. He was hit by a drunk driver the night before. He was an amazing person. I miss him dearly. Rest in peace Stephen.
rachel Oct 2014
I see you when I close my eyes
I see you when they're open
And I'm trying not to accept the fact that I won't see you again in person
Everything's lucid
I wish I didn't know it
But you ignore me when I wish that you wouldn't
Life drags on
Though you were only a means to an end
But that end hasn't ended and the means was in my head
I understand what cold turkey looks like
I just wish I didn't have to live it
I wasn't worried when we were together
But now you ignore me and I'm hurting
3 am smells of you now
Of cigarettes and natty ice
Of the strength of your body and the weakness of mine
It's time to go
Back out into the cold
The cold that you wake up to when you go off to work
I know that you're a dream
The idea of you that I have
But in reality I had you
For hours in my grasp
And I let you slip
Because I let you have me
And I'm torn up from the turmoil
That you don't care enough to see
  Aug 2014 rachel
eunsung aka Silas
dear friend do not loose hope
someday the shards of broken pieces
will be lifted out and placed
to create something new
a beautiful tapestry of color
and life lived through pain
to create a beautiful
written after reading Rachel's "shards" and written for those who have gone through heartbreak. I've gone through my share and it gets better, even though in the moment it feels like forever.
rachel Aug 2014
I felt broken today
I felt as if everyone who looked at me saw how torn I was
As if they were counting how many pieces of him were stuck in my skin like broken glass
Little bits and pieces stuck everywhere he ever touched me
How can they possibly count them all
rachel Aug 2014
Goodbye isn't the hardest part
I don't know who came up with that
But it's a lie
The hardest part is living your life, for the first time in a while, completely alone
Some may call it Freedom
A new start
I would call it the Aftermath
My world lays in utter destruction
As thunder ruptures above the stormy oceans in my mind
Conflicted waves of emotion flood over me as I go from regret to aching
And the sun seems like it will hide from me forever
As if it can see the darkness inside of me
And thinks that it's the night
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