I'm starving myself  
My stomach grumbles every few minutes
It's nice to feel
Something

I'm sitting criss crossed on a picnic table in the park
All by myself
Accompanied by a water bottle and the thought of you
You decided not to come home this time and I guess I don't blame you
All these places and memories
Faces that remind you of high school
Of ******* and of how shallow humans can be
I guess you wanted some time to pretend that you aren't one of them
But you are
And so am I
And I guess that's why this hurts so much
Sitting here alone
Because not too long ago it used to be the two of us
Walking side by side through this park
Pretending that we were more real than any other human in our sight
Whether that's true or not,
At least we were together.

Now it's only me
Sitting here,
Laughing to myself as 13 year old girls walk by in shorts so short I can see their *****
How sad
But then I realize
Here I am,
A sad, lost, lonely college student
Sitting by herself on a picnic table
Scoffing at a group of girls because of how they're dressed
How does that make me a better person?
The only reason I was ever more real than them was because I had
You
Now I don't even have that.

My mouth dries and my eyes water
My throat tightens and so does my chest as
Our song beats through my headphones and flows with my blood
Warming my insides while I shiver on the outside
I throw your sweatshirt on over my head and sniff it every few minutes to remind myself of you
I forget how to breathe
My breath shortens until I realize I am suffocating myself
The thought of now
The thought of being without you
The thought of how much I care for you
It draws from my soul
It weakens me
I need you.

You are the first person that said "you are beautiful" that I actually believed

I see you often
In places that only you can take me
Places I can't bear to be without you

These places are all the same to me

Wind from the wings of butterflies grazes my cheek

My heart burns and beats for you in the hot summer sun

Water rushes over rocks as if that is water's only purpose

Sunlight paints the tops of the leaves on the trees around us

Children splash in the water as we walk by

Joyous laughter from their free voices and minds vibrates through me

Angelic voices engulf me as we drive down the highway at sunset

The breeze whips through my hair as we cruise along

Your hand grasps mine tightly and sways to the music

The nighttime falls quicker than I fell for you, but stays for longer than we have together

The tv echoes in the background as we occupy ourselves elsewhere...

In exploring each other, mind and body.

You are the one place I will always cherish

I have found a home
In the strength of your grasp
In the life in your eyes
In the music of your soul
In the warmth of your body
And in the beauty of us together

The trees begin to remind me of the skeletons in my closet

The sky seems to reflect the melancholia in my mind

The wind feels as comforting as an ice bath in February

The ground is as hard as the ice around my heart

The snowflakes are as fragile as my voice when I talk about it...

The icicles imitate my tears as they fall and freeze simultaneously

The moon becomes the only source of light that I can stand

And
This glove takes the place of your warm, soft hand