a thought of you was made up in my mind
a picture perfect scene
maybe confused with a famous movie scene
where the girl fixes the boy
love grows and all is well
that's not how life works
no fixes are made
the same is still the same
I really thought I could
that's the true shame

I can't describe the way I feel
but it's a nice change of pace
will it last?
I have no idea
but for once in my life
for this moment I'll live in it
experiencing life as I should
something new
something good

moments of drunken randomness
quiet hushed laughs
secrets of the night
that stay between siblings
I missed these moments
shared with my brother
my true friend
and I'll soon come to miss them
time and time again

a weird state of the in between
not exactly sad
but not exactly any emotion
I feel weird
no way to describe it
if I told you of this feeling, would you ever care?
is it worth me to even dare tell you?
fear of being thought of as crazy
express it or suppress it
the in between

I don’t know why but
I feel I’m always up at these late hours
deeply thinking
as I stare into the black abyss of my room
my mind is at rest but also at work
random thoughts seem to flood
will my semester be good?
will I make them proud?
will I achieve my goals?
will I be okay in the end?
questions upon questions
my inner thoughts
coming out in the dark

sometimes you feel as if a distant memory
I can't describe it
I don't know how to feel about it
sorry?
remorseful?
looking at pictures of you I feel the nostalgia
it feels as if those times were so long ago
the time of life and motherly love
oh how I miss it
I wish I didn't have to love you from a distance