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Mar 2023 · 119
gifted
redinblue Mar 2023
The ability to love is God's gift, isn't it?
I'm gifted to love, I know what God has placed within me. To love. I trust God. May His Love and Mercy, flow within me to love who He is pleased for me to love.
Aug 2022 · 93
death of ideals
redinblue Aug 2022
i married the one i love.
till i realised, he wasn't my ideals.
i had to choose - him or my ideals
it was a difficult struggle
for someone who had loved the idea of love
and not love itself.

from this moment on,
i choose him - i choose love.

as it is.
Apr 2021 · 104
Untitled
redinblue Apr 2021
like holding on to burning hot charcoal
like the black ant under a rock in a dark night
so hard to grasp, so difficult to hold on
"for the likes of this, let the workers work"
i will work, i will hold on, even if it hurts
i will never let go
for You
in Your Name...
Aug 2020 · 185
to the beloved
redinblue Aug 2020
i struggled not to love you,
and it pained every inch of my soul
Nov 2019 · 187
nothingness
redinblue Nov 2019
how do we
reach
nothingness
when the "I" still exists.
Sep 2019 · 137
everytime i get upset
redinblue Sep 2019
i realise, its because i put too much importance on myself

if i truly understood the reality of my existence - nothingness, entire dependence to Him

then there is no need to be upset
no need to feel so down or betrayed or frustrated...
things come and go
He knows best...
Submission
Jul 2019 · 99
Jauh
redinblue Jul 2019
Jauh,
itulah perkataan yang paling menyakitkan hatiku.
Jul 2019 · 126
Clueless
redinblue Jul 2019
I've never fallen in love
... forgive me,
I don't understand.
confession
Jun 2019 · 74
all i want to be
redinblue Jun 2019
"Lord, open up my faults, my shortcomings to me... so that i may change to be better... Lord, forbid me to find faults in others... Lord, allow me to never hurt any of Your creation, let me never cause anyone harm again... ...."
i am deluded by my wall of arrogance which needs to be broken by my own hands, let it be painful, let it be bitter... for this wall has truly blinded me with lies of this ohsogreat self. i need clarity, i need truth.
Jun 2019 · 112
If time tells otherwise
redinblue Jun 2019
you will still be in my prayers.
Jun 2019 · 136
afar
redinblue Jun 2019
i hope... you understand
that nearness is not about the distance
that love is not about proclaims
that pain is not only in the wounds...
Jun 2019 · 76
Beautiful patience
redinblue Jun 2019
For those who had sought peace
Silence from the heart's tongue
Gifted them a numbing clarity
Of breath and light
Of beauty and stillness
silence is hardwork but the end is sweet.
Feb 2019 · 320
wait
redinblue Feb 2019
i wait for the day
our eyes interlock into eternity
and my silence becomes yours
and the light of your heart
nourishing mine till infinity.
Feb 2019 · 286
immortal
redinblue Feb 2019
the moon wanes
and the sun sets,
yet my love for you,
will never mortalise
till death do us
(into) a part
Feb 2019 · 154
let me be yours
redinblue Feb 2019
oh Lord let my soul be a source of nourishment for others,
let my eyes only see light and
goodness in men,
let my lips only speak kindness,
let my limbs bring benefit,
let my heart be at ease,
at peace with You,
always, in submission
to You
only love and light.
Feb 2019 · 219
lovers
redinblue Feb 2019
what do you say, about lovers
who only exchange no words
and averted glances?

let silence speak it all.
perhaps speech can't contain what is within our hearts. none taken, none given. just left, in the eternal...
Feb 2019 · 122
nothing
redinblue Feb 2019
either i do not exist,
or i am loved by you
i want to be nothing in between.
Feb 2019 · 158
the lover's wait
redinblue Feb 2019
her eyes awaken before dawn
while her soul remains in transit
between unity and separation
between a painful, intense longing
and a pretense of indifference
that would temporarily preserve
her sanity.

she walks through crowds
all she sees are sounds and colours
passing by her numbed heart
keeping her head up, she witnesses
the blue horizons scraped by buildings
the zenithen sunlight lining every object
- breathtaken by a suppressed memory,
she unknowingly lets out a silent sigh
in place of an unmentioned name,
deliberately buried deep within.

often, she pauses her thoughts to view
the vastness of the world, in hopes
that it will cause her heart's unspoken
matter to be reduced into insignificance
and she won't have to live the pain
of remembrance.

yet, how could she remove the source
of her heart's peace, and yet, how could she continue living with the torment of distance,
of uncertainty, the eternal fear
that she would be forgotten,
before she forgets.

outwardly, her form is in good health
her speech eloquent, her posture straight
her eyes dry, her walk steady,
yet inwardly, she is paralysed,
her sickness grows each day
and at night, she drowns into
sweet memories of the unmentioned
as she tells herself that his smile will
return...even if only in her dreams.

her eyes close after midnight
while her soul remains in transit
between nearness and distance
between darkness and a light
that would conclude her wait
in all goodness, in peace.
Jan 2019 · 139
mirror says the truth
redinblue Jan 2019
why do you smirk,
at your perfectly arched eyebrows
or your thick succulent lips
or those protruding cheekbones
when all of those are bound
to soil, decay and rot,
feed for worms and maggot
of pungency and putrefaction
what do you have to be proud about,
when you will become nothing
but bones?
Dec 2018 · 382
peace
redinblue Dec 2018
a smile - all me can afford for now,
all those tears used up,
all left is mine little heart, bankrupt.

peace - my only state, alas,
the little heart has nothing to lose
from what has never been.

yet, never a single cent of love
from the heart's expenses, be a waste
even if there was nothing, in return.


peace.
Dec 2018 · 108
Ugliness
redinblue Dec 2018
that is mine, an ugly heart
endlessly trying to justify
my own ugly arrogance.
ugly. me.
the truth that others don't see.
argh.
redinblue Nov 2018
that i can fathom for myself
is to live an illusion
wherein i have long forgotten you.
Sep 2018 · 112
here
redinblue Sep 2018
now that you've stolen my heart
please, keep it safe and never return it
please...
Jan 2018 · 144
love
redinblue Jan 2018
love has no reasons
thus
this irrational certainty
i think, for you
and about you
and with you
is love.
Apr 2017 · 204
gratitude
redinblue Apr 2017
i'm gonna try to accustom my self to discomfort
born privileged, first-world country,
loving family,
what more ugly words can one let out her tongue
till she realises that imperfection is perfect
and just to have another breath
and feel the wind against one's skin
is beautiful
how beautiful it is to live
Apr 2017 · 218
insignificance is reality
redinblue Apr 2017
maybe its times like this
when you're only with yourself
memories of everyone you ever met
return to your presence of mind.

yet, do your thoughts of them
reflect your significance in their lives?

perhaps we tend to impose our importance
on those we remember most
as
for me, maybe one more thing to learn today:
the only reality of my existence.
in my insignificance.
and my triviality.

no one remembers, and why should they?
you're alone, my friend.
Mar 2017 · 197
happiness
redinblue Mar 2017
one more thing
i've understood about happiness
is simply
putting your mother
at ease.
Nov 2016 · 479
mercy
redinblue Nov 2016
in the limitless manifestations of
His bountiless mercy is the gift of two precious, precious, women
in my life;
Safiyyah, my mama and
Rahmah, my grandma.

there is nothing more i could ask from Him,
when He completes every moment of my life
with the blessing of these two ladies.
Safiyyah, the pure one, Rahmah, the kind, merciful one.

and He acquaints me the understanding of a love,
utterly unconditioned
sacrificial
and true
of the purest within the innermost
manifest within their smiles.

the Prophet, peace be upon him, said;
"Paradise is at the two feet of your mother."
Oct 2016 · 253
to exist is to love
redinblue Oct 2016
oh Lord,
what is this love You've given me?
Jul 2016 · 319
mwt
redinblue Jul 2016
mwt
to sit cross-legged on the soft carpet
tucking my legs under the rehal
a notebook and a pen
a scribe, a student, a seeker

let the teacher speak
wisdoms and pearls
of the loved and Beloved,
companions and saints
of kindness and perfection
of humanity

the call to prayer echoes
without a second passing
none will speak
then we'll gather in ranks
and prostrate together
to the One
the Giver of Kindness
and Perfection
a witness
to the Greatness of the One

the Most Kind, the Most Perfect
we return to You
with our foreheads on the ground
the mind, intellect, the noblest of all
You've given us
in surrender
all we've understood, seen and experienced
was only by Your Will and Power
i miss these gatherings of knowledge and remembrance...
Jun 2016 · 224
tswf part 1
redinblue Jun 2016
and the teacher's voice boomed

Our limbs are like windows,
like this room,
and our heart is the hall


what our limbs are exposed to,
will undeniably, directly, affect our hearts.
if the limbs do goodness
the heart will be good.
likewise, if the heart is good...
the limbs will be good.
Jun 2016 · 936
nasihat
redinblue Jun 2016
habib said, Don't think too much

i cried.

he placed his hand on my head
and prayed for me.

and then gave me sweets.

Don't think too much ok.
Just now, I thought you were only 17, not 19!
*All the best for school, ok
Jan 2016 · 201
mirror of heart
redinblue Jan 2016
he showed me a mirror
i saw myself and i cried.
Oct 2015 · 275
inner desire
redinblue Oct 2015
bowl after bowl
cup after cup
movement in the mouth
the stomach is filled
yet the heart drained

physical food for spiritual pain
Jul 2015 · 394
on meditation
redinblue Jul 2015
a grip on the heart to
stop
beating
no breath

feel
slowness
in the second

you is nothing
not even the air
Jul 2015 · 423
to my brother
redinblue Jul 2015
i miss you terribly
hope you are doing well
hope that all of us can get along again...
please?
just like the old times?
of hello kitties and heart-to-hearts
of lost wallets and failed driving tests
of dried chilli and unfolded clothes
of birthday cakes and animes

oh my brother
talk to us again... please?

i really wish
we could be siblings again

not strangers
Jun 2015 · 327
fake
redinblue Jun 2015
so numbing it is
that i wonder if
even these tears
is only pretense
redinblue May 2015
too beautiful
too beautiful
too beautiful
May 2015 · 282
Untitled
redinblue May 2015
i'm never doing this ever again.
i'm quitting
Apr 2015 · 549
garbage
redinblue Apr 2015
im throwing away everything
nothing matters anymore
not an inch of sentimentality moves in me
take the black trash bag
i won't even look through the old pictures
all these memories, emotions
there won't be a time for me to reminisce
anyway
look at this broken frame
it cracked where your smile is

just like how the same smile cracked
that lifeless heart within me
a heart that i can't choose to throw
regardless of its dark ***** blackness

*oh light
why wouldn't u enter this crack
am i this much of a piece of trash
Mar 2015 · 268
moveremoveremember
redinblue Mar 2015
i came back here to delete my poems
but
words don't just
disappear
like
that

you know?
Feb 2015 · 373
sickness
redinblue Feb 2015
it has become worse now
that i have memorized
your presence and

(argh this is frustrating honestly you are akin to poison)

if only i could de-exist
and uncomprehend this
unfounded
fondness for you

(oh no i do not, i cannot be feeling this way)
(oh God please cure me)
Jan 2015 · 266
Untitled
redinblue Jan 2015
I WANT TO BE A ROCK
ROLLED OFF
THE EDGE
OF A CLIFF
Jan 2015 · 285
honestly
redinblue Jan 2015
its hard to be human
Jan 2015 · 315
words as friends
redinblue Jan 2015
seemingly loyal,
there's no room for betrayal.
acquainted ones won't harm
and there's those with charm
- but here lies the danger
when words become your stranger
redinblue Jan 2015
i hate that shadow of myself that secretly wants to be superior over all others its completely dumb and highly pretentious

utterly disgusting.
Jan 2015 · 327
Untitled
redinblue Jan 2015
dear self
please forget his sweet smile.

please forget the crinkle
and that slight twinkle in his eyes
remove his back profile (that you seem to always search for)
erase his melancholic voice away
let his existence fade from your heart

oh self,
he was never meant to stay.

remember
he is just another transient being
and his radiance is only a mere reflection
of the One.
Oct 2014 · 296
secret
redinblue Oct 2014
annihilated
into
empty
hollow
nothingness

we were once nothing anyway
Oct 2014 · 346
surface
redinblue Oct 2014
"i want your face"


"you want my face, but would you want my soul?
for it is most rotten, blemished, ugly

dear friend, this 'face' that we're blessed with
is an illusion, only temporal
while the soul within our hearts are eternal

and we do have a choice in choosing our forever"
Oct 2014 · 229
hope
redinblue Oct 2014
oh my Lord...
i so fear the unknown
what would my ending be?

"Sufficient is He for us"
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