4am. Late night 7eleven run. Hat, coat, scarf, out the door. As soon as I exit the building the cold invigorates me, I sip on the night air and breath out the steam of life. I walk slow and steady despite the drink in me, mastered my balance long ago. No one and nothing is awake but me and the stars. And I relish in the world's absence. As I walk, the street lights reveal it's snowing, little gingerly particles flutter toward me like a dusty lamp shade when disturbed. Memories flood back to me, times when I was in  love and every snowflake that dropped before me seemed to bring life anew. I stare longingly at the sky with an appreciation that could never be described with mortal words. Only that fleeting gaze that stays with you forever if it is set upon you, etching itself in your heart.

Then I walked home…Back to earth.

"Love and pain go hand in hand"*
he said to me with roses.
And on the concrete ground where our eyes first met
the thorns cut thru my static, once numb chest.
He took the key he crafted when lands forced us to part
And the chains remained binding, wrapped so tight,
locked to him forever more.

He bound me up that night at the docks,
the city rush became the soundtrack of newfound love.
We imprinted our existence to his leather-bound book,
a story that became etched into my soul
in a language only he could decode.
Time passed quicker than the cars I almost still hear echo.
Too soon he was locked in pages of the past

That night at the docks, the willows enraptured,
welcoming us home, we found our kingdom.
We clung to the scarce grass as if we could hold
on to that moment in time for eternity.
It blew on with the wind, singing a cadence on repeat,
so deceptive yet ever resolving
Each second became the last
Being late never tasted so bittersweet;
For we became kids with no concept of time
and no grasp for words.
Silence never resonated so loud
as when we lost all will to speak.

I yearned to learn every reflection of your black hole iris
Longed to learn each blinding shimmer, no matter how lost I might have become
I felt something in a familiar gaze,
a desire forgotten0, or not yet found
The water before us mirrored broken reflections of his sparking eyes
The skyline before us could have never over shined
his beautiful silhouette, illuminated beyond the moon, city or stars.
But, love and pain go hand in hand
I am forever more reminded by these scars

i fell in love once
and my love was the ocean
deep and dark and unexplored
a mystery wrapped in seaweed
and colored with the shades
that nebula and dying stars
reserve for their coldest parts
it was an easy fall
like laying down after a long day
of holding up the universe
with only your pinky finger and
a stack of phone books
or like sinking into the water
not drowning
but hovering
just beneath the surface
air is just an inch away
and you are surrounded by warmth
by cold
by water
my love was so beautiful
their voice was a dying star
an explosion as life is melted into light
the noise of it absorbed by void
and absence
and nothing
their body was the oldest tree in the oldest forest
tall and wide and strong
and dying
but still beautiful
still green and lush where the branches were resisting
still brushing leaves across the sky like caressing the clouds
still humming the noises of a settling life
and since this act of falling in love
i have found that the easiest love to fall into
isn't romantic at all