Sometimes I wake up
And I don’t know how to start the day
My heart beating away
My breath coming out in bursts
Like waking from a fresh nightmare
Then I remember... You’re there...
My eyes close with the weight of fresh tears
And my tearing heart closes down
But I’ll keep on living
Because I know you’re around
The stutters and breaks don’t hurt anymore
And the nightmares are all smiles
Gruesome smiles that haunt the shadows
That keep me awake beside you
That make me think without you...
I just wouldn’t know what to do
And so what if I watch you sleep
Heart heavy as I weep
Over the obvious change going on in me
From love to hate
From now to what was meant to be?
So I go through my day like any other
Picking no direction to walk in
I just take one step, then another
And stop when the road ends
And when I walk through that door
You’ll be there
Smiling at me from in front of the t.v
And I wonder why it is I am there
Watching something that obviously
Doesn’t interest me
The lights in your eyes
And the smile that passes by
That vacant expression once you turn away
So I’m stood in the doorway
Not really knowing what to say
To the person that cares nothing about me
And it suddenly occurs to me
That at which velocity
Would it take to throw you down the stairs
And when you hit your head
How many years would I get
For such a crime of the heart...
Because you’ve already killed me...

Four long years, embedded in a dream
Motionless beneath the fog, held under the stream
My heart and soul gripped, night after night
Losing my sight, dropped from the greatest height
Into a dream, or maybe a nightmare
I’m beyond caring, daring to wake up
Daring to dream, applying a mask like daily make up
I hide myself until I slumber
I hear the rumble of passing traffic, peoples voices
These vices mean nothing to me, I live the day
To sleep the night away and imagine I’ll be in your arms some day.

But the brightest colours hide the darkest lies
You’d promised me everything, awaiting the goodbye
Did I mean anything to you, as I saw the world in vibrant hues
With a smile on my face, hiding the disgrace that was the disgraceful place
Where I would pace beside you
I would beg for something more, to be more than just your *****
I can’t stick around anymore, I abhor you, adore you
I want to slit you open and watch you bleed
Dragging your remains by your makeshift lead, your hold on me
This lead was your claim, your steady climb to fame
We’re not the same, I’ll never bow to your will
I’ll make the ****...

I stare down at your ruined body, a smirk painting my lips
My heart does flips in my chest, I did my best
I stamped your blood across our butterfly crest
Like the wings of love, your soul took flight
I won the fight.

I won’t be your second best, left to rot with all the rest
The pain in my chest is gone now you’re no more
Now you’re spread across the floor
Like your broken body is begging for mercy
Something I can’t give and can’t see
You would never be with me
And now I can’t see for the ****** scattered remains
Of your torn apart disgrace of a body...

A new era of imagination.
Days and nights spent swallowed up
Devoured, consumed by a new world
The pages fall open and I am overcome
The smell of books, new and old
The texture of the paper inscribed
With sarcasm and witticisms, pain and longing

Those wee hours replaced by cold detachment
This shiny new thing that carries books
Gone is the sound of rustling, flicking
And the resounding clap of a satisfying ending
The thump as you fall back into your pillow with a smile
And the hunger for more and more and more

I miss the smell of yellowing pages
Of second hand dog-eared bargains
I miss the heavy feeling in my hands
My tears caressing the scripture

My fondest memories are out of this world
Please swallow me up, swallow me whole.

Sometimes it feels good to watch someone cry,
If only to know that you're not the only one
That hurts.