1
Grisham John
my artist friend
is a sensitive chap
so a year after my wife dies
he gets me a date

2
Turns out at the restaurant
the woman walks up to me
like she were a floating jelly -
her left eye flying, her right eye sinking
her arms wild like horses
and her nose tripled;
each finger like a bullet
and she looks in all directions all at once

3
I call Grisham John on his cellphone
and I roar:
You paired me up with a hideous woman!

Relax! he intones
*You either hate 'em or love 'em -
that's how it is with a Picasso

Back in the days when
my friend Grisham John
started as a teenage artist,  he was poor
and had but onions and yogurt for meals;
and once he stole some paint
from the local corner shop

"Aha, caught you red-handed,"
said the cliche-infested store-owner
"Give me a reason
why I should not call the police"

"Well," said John Grisham
****-sure of his talent
"I can immortalize you as 'Scrooge in Red'
or 'Generosity in Psychedelic'
You choose..."

----------------------------------------------------­-----
so when Grisham John comes to
your town,  look out for,
amongst his exhibits:
*"Generosity in Psychedelic
with inset of Scrooge in Red"

there’s this gum tree
that stands alone
its skin and bark white as bone
and its leaves
quivering in the wind
shimmering
in the sun;
and it’s so pretty
and tall and proud
the blue sky says:
“I'll come stand
guard over you
embrace you
full of blue love”

1 THE KIDS
it’s a simple toy
that’s all they want
these gypsy kids
Plastic discards
cups and basins
consumers-people throw away
change into toys and inventions
in the hands of the gypsy kids
Simple inventions
unique in the change
a life of the imagination
free, unencumbered
just a place on the earth
the space they play in today
That’s all the kids want this moment
not confined walls of classrooms

2  THE PARENTS
Just like the kids
Just these dads and moms
who still revel in the infancy of the earth
And their women
who cook a meal
with what the wild might offer
who are content with what’s in the basket
And who can see into the sky
and see what‘s the weather coming
this season
And so when it is time to move, and where

3  GYPSY BEAUTY
Gypsy beauty
dance your body for me
swirl it like water
spin it like a top
fly it like a kite
O gypsy beauty
with your knowing smile
and your distant eyes
O you beauty
who wears the colors of the earth
twirl the elements for me
like the winds show what’s
behind the clouds


4  GYPSY SINGER**
O gypsy singer
your voice in the air
like the voices that filled
the first days of the earth
that still echo down
the crags and valleys of the mind
O gypsy singer, sing the earth to peace
Sing hard hearts to gentleness
Raise that voice of yours
that voice pure
always so unencumbered
and bring back vision
to these tired spirits
that possess and ravage the world
sing these city-organized  minds to calm,
sing all living beings into clarity

See see Papa Trench Bottom
dig in the mines happily, laugh ha ha happily
and drink at night and hear him
snore before the day
happy happy Papa Trench Bottom
he he he he he ha ha happy happy
at home and at work
See see Mama Big Bottom
she she she he he ha ha happy
Dance happily Cook with joy
toss with levity
and puts dishes aplenty on the table
for all in the family to eat and be merry
See see Teenage Tough Dude
he he he happily walks in the streets
Cool at school
Very Pop with the babes
and eating lots at home, with gravity
very serious in look, sparse in his words
but loves his mom, dad and sis
deep deep within, ha ha happily happily
Happy Happy Teenage Cool Dude
And see Sister Barbie Doll Pretty
Curls and dimples and cute smiles all
Happy hours in the ha ha bathroom
many more hours texting and chatting
and lots and lots of FaceTime
Happy happy walking ****
all the way to work
and chirping all day like a Paradise Bird
at work at the Rainbow Fast Food Outlet
happy happy talking talking all workday
Ah See Happy happy he he he
she she she happy happy Family
Trench Bottom family he he he
and she she she all day and night
Happy happy Trench Bottoms
Happy happy he he ha ha Happy Family always

1
I don’t like people
who come borrowing books
They sniff the paper and ink on my shelf
and they ask to borrow
as if they’d ever read
anything beyond junkmail
and cut-out coupons;
and as if they’d ever return my books
if I don’t bark, hound and remind them
and re-remind them…

2
There is my friend Sam
who recently took a fancy
to one of my books
on my shelf:
“Make a Billion, Loser”

“Can I borrow that?”
Sam asked
And he looked like a loser
so I said, “Yeah, you can borrow it”
And he took the book off the shelf
and he said, indignant:
“Hey! The first 100 pages are here
But pages 101 to 200 are missing!”

And I said, ******* by this imbecile:
*“Hey, the first 100 is where you read;
the second half is missing
cos that’s where
you go make your money, you loser!
Now go read the book
and then make your Billion!”

Yeah, dad, I love Math class
cos something is always adding up there

like just the other day
the teacher’s plants at the window
started growing square roots
The teacher reckons that’s cos
“the windows are squares, if you notice” -
but I reckon it’s cos
we’ve mostly got squares in class

And the teacher when she thinks someone
has done something good, she says:
“Oh, you are an angle!”
and when she’s cross she goes:
“I’ve told you n times”
or “I’ve told you n+ 4 times”

Yeah, we learn lots of stuff in Math class
like next week we going to learn
about Algeria;
but I’m not sure if my Math teacher is OK
in the head though
cos one day she tells us
3+2 = 5
and another day she insists
4+1= 5
(is that what you mean
when you say mum can never make up her mind?)
And she tells me not to use my tables
and she scolds me then when I do my division
on the floor

But I’ll say one thing about her though -
she’s so passionate about Math
my teacher is
she carries around a picture
in her wallet
of a big plus sign
with a guy nailed to it

She’s riding her bike
the wind’s on her cheeks
and hair
She’s got no worries
no care, cause she’s
riding easy on her bike

Rachel comes on her bicycle
down the street and
she sways with a smile;
she can go steady or she
can show off, as she pleases,
on her happiness bike

off her bicycle
she loses her smile
she frowns, she does not talk
but O -
she’s a goddess, she’s Venus
she’s all radiance
when she’s on happiness bike

she’s in her red top today:
her ******* decent
but talkative;
her *** is composed -
and O, as always
Rachel is glowing
on her happiness bicycle
we know it all:
angels come on bicycles now

She’s riding her bike
the wind’s on her cheeks
and hair
She’s got no worries
no care, cause she’s
riding easy on her bike

1
*** dum da da ***
moom moom
swish glish
sa sa sa lum
hey, hey, hey
I’m coming there
where you are
with a he he he
and a hu hu hu
la, la **!**!**!
Who’s me?
I’m the superest-ever clown
I’m coming right now
*** dum da da ***
moom moom
swish glish
sa sa sa lum
hey, hey, hey
I’ll be there!

2
I’m coming with a lot of noise
I’ll come with laughs
and cheers
I’ll come unseen and with joy
hey! hey! hey!
you can start laughing now
O you can smile
come on now
la la la di di da da
sum sum sum
sim sim sim
I’ll be as good as dim sum!

3
*** dum da da ***
moom moom
swish glish
sa sa sa lum
hey, hey, hey
I’ll be like the moon
when I come
seen by the first humans
for the first time
and everyone looking in wonder and love
and laughing, laughing
for what else can one do
when there’s so much radiant lunacy?
ha, ha ha
he he he
*** dum da da ***
moom moom
swish glish
sa sa sa lum
hey, hey, hey



4
*** dum da da ***
moom moom
swish glish
sa sa sa lum
hey, hey, hey
I’ll flower there
right inside your hearts
like a smile, a laugh
a happy feeling you don’t even know is there
and then suddenly it’ll all blossom
in your skin and your face and in your limbs and organs
and you’ll all laugh too
and your neighbors too
and strangers too
for you are me and I you
and everyone too
hey, hey, hey
*** dum dad a ***
he he he he he he
Ha ha ha ha ** **
we’ll be laughing
we’ll be all laughing at one another
and we’ll be laughing at ourselves
for I ‘m coming
O I’m ever coming
superest-ever clown ever
like delicate music
like an exotic flower
and we’ll all laugh
like kookaburras
*** dum da da ***
moom moom
swish glish
sa sa sa lum
hey, hey, hey
for I’m the happy Universal Clown ever
just like you
just like me
hey hey hey
*** dum da da ***
moom moom
swish glish
sa sa sa lum
hey, hey, hey

you visit this disused Olde Gaol
remote, renowned
250 years old and now a musuem;
and rumoured to be haunted

you love the thrill but fear meeting
a ghost,  the one said to make
unexpected appearance in this prison
"I love the excitement," you tell the guide
"but I'd die if I met one"

The guide pooh-poohs your suggestion
and says: "In all my time here
I have yet to see a ghost"

"And how long," you ask, "have you
worked here?"

And the guide answers: *"245 years"

1
she’s the delicate head of a young woman
in Agnolo Bronzino’s drawing;
she says, ‘Look. You can look;
look, I don’t really mind;
and if you feel shy,
I’ll have my eyes and face
down all the while’
and in her charm she says:
‘We’ll leave repressed debaters
about lust and propriety far behind;
I want you to look and you want to;
that’s all that matters between us’
a man can look all the while
as she has eyes down forever;
a beauty unreachable
just a piece of paper maybe
and mostly bits of dots and pixels
in cyberspace




2
could we have lived
darling,
in the same space and time
I might have followed
where you beckoned;
I might have beaten
Agnolo Bronzino
with a Michelangelo skill;
but now perhaps I’ll
copy and paste
and post
my image beside yours somewhere in cyberspace
and perhaps when I’m not watching
my image will walk over to yours
and you might look up at my avatar
and you’d say:
'Sweetheart, what took you so long?'
And the two of you might just run away
like cheeky teenagers
and run through various sites and
run across everyone’s screen;
and as the two of you get along
and chat about times and love
and the arts of love and such matters
I might be asleep or be at a meeting
and I’ll have a strange feeling
a cool sensation all over my body
and I’d say to whoever is beside me:
*'You know, something’s happened in cyberspace…
a strange love thing between an image of me
and the delicate head of a young woman…'

1
when first I heard the radio
when I was just about four
in a tiny village in India
I thought I was hearing things
but mom said:
'Don’t worry, rasa -
it’s just the radio…'


2
when first I heard
the voice on the other side of the line
I nearly jumped out of my skin
but the salesperson said:
'Don’t worry;
that’s not the devil
that’s just the marvel of the telephone'


3
when now I hear voices
when I’m in my shower
and I ask my wife and children:
'Did you guys want to talk to me?'
they answer:
'Why would we?
You’d better wash your ears;
You’re hearing things…'

I walked in to the University
I said, "Show me the library;
that's what I always want to see"
And they brought me into
The Hemingway Library -
and that had me drooling, that
they'd think of naming the place after
that famous writer, and a favourite

"That's amazing," I told my guide
"that so far away from the USA
you'd think of naming it after Ernest Hemingway"

"Oh no," said the guide, puzzled
"It's named after Andrews Hemingway"

"Is he a writer?" I asked

"Oh, sort of," my guide explained,
*"he wrote us a cheque for 2 million"

Hey birds
you rosellas and mynas
and magpies
it’s nice Spring and the flowers
are in bloom
in my garden;
and it’s good to see you flying about
as in a Walt Disney movie
and see you hover at the flowers
or on the lawn
but really, must you sit on the fence
and **** on my side of the garden?
why don’t you turn your **** around
and drop it in my neighbor’s colorless yard?

The Clothed Maja, sister of The **** Maja (both painted by Goya, and both enjoyed by Raj Arumugam), speaks:*
  

Hey, you boys…yeah, you…
OK, all of you good boys, if you like…
come see me in my white dress and golden shoes;
see me reclined in my luxurious couch…
Look here…I’m in this room…
Oh, you adorable, silly boys;
I’ve been hearing you the last hour
as you searched one room after another
and all you grown men giggling like little boys…
while I’ve been waiting here all the while…
And you’re Frank? And you?
Sean? What a **** name you’ve got baby…
Oh, hmmmm…you should be…O Patrick,
you think I’m cool?
I was made by Goya, how can I not be?
And come on other boys at the door, don’t be shy…
Ravi, Kesav, Eliot,  jp –
my, my, what a short name you got;
you can get it long too? ...jp…lovely name…
and Jack Chappell, and Sean Critchfield –
and why didn’t cheeky Raj come?
Oh, leave him, he’s probably just best left ogling
at ***** shunga pictures
from Hokusai…

So welcome boys all…
Yes, yes, you can come close
You can’t resist the scent can you?
O, my name? Just call me Maja -
Maja pretty and well-dressed
and I just love good company and wine
and pleasure and fun
…what?
You guys think I’m sweet, and seductive?
Oh, that’s nice of you…
**** too?
Oh, boys! Oh, you boys!
If you think I’m ****
Oh wait till you see my sister, my double –
Oh, yes she’s always reclining in a bed too
unlike that stodgy Mona Lisa
Well, my sis didn’t want to come
but really, I’ll tell you a secret -
my sis, she doesn’t wear clothes -
and she hasn’t been in clothes since 1800!
Oh, you guys got to go?
Reluctant, but you must go?
Yeah, you can always see me – just google Goya
and I’ll always be there
and my sister?
Oh, you naughty boys, that’s who really want to see,
don’t you?
and that’s the reason for your sudden hurry?
Well, she’s always placed beside me –
I’m always The Clothed Maja and she the Naked one…
See you soon, guys –
see you at Goya...
Hey, come back here boys –
the least you can do is to kiss me goodbye…

it’s just a moment
with the hibiscus in bloom
and the sparrow in flight
chirping as it does, perhaps;
just a moment, perhaps all of it
in the stream of being and existence:
and me, just getting up from my chair

Enter IT, enthusiastic. Faces audience and looks at audience happily, and then speaks directly to audience.

IT: OK. You want to play?
     OK - I’m IT.
     I’ll be blind a while
     and I'll count
     and you go hide. OK?
     Yippee!

IT closes eyes and places hands over eyes and counts.

IT: One..two...
      Go hide!
     Three...four...five...
      I’m IT!
     Six...seven..eight...nine...
     Oh, this is fun...
     Aaandddd - Ten!
     I’m IT and I’m coming!

IT takes hands off eyes, opens eyes and looks about. IT looks with enthusiasm.

IT: Oh...where are you?
      I’m IT and I search
      and I find you nowhere...

      OK...I’ll search again...

      I search over hills and in parks
      I look behind bush and below benches
      but you are nowhere to be found.

      OK...I’ll search again...

IT looks about on stage, pretending to climb over a hill, or a tree, and so forth...looking...searching...

Enter THAT.
THAT observes IT searching, for some time - and then speaks.


THAT: What are you doing?

       IT: Who, me?

THAT: Yes, you.
              There’s no one else here.
              So what are you doing?




IT *(coming close to THAT): I’m searching. I’m IT
                                                    and I’m at play, you see.
                                                   You know - hide and seek.
                                                    I’m looking.

THAT: I see. And your name?

        IT: They call me Life.

(Silence)

IT: And your name?

THAT: They call me Death.

(Silence.)

Life: I suppose we should embrace.

Death: Yes, we should. Come closer.

(Life moves forward, closer to Death, and they embrace.)


Death: That is nice and warm.

Life: That is ****** cold!

Death: Hug me hard
            Till we are one.

Life: Like dissolving into each other?

Death: Yes - like two become one.
             That sort of imagery, that manner of speech.
             Those delightful cliches.

Life: Should we turn off the lights then?

Death: Yes, we should.
             It’s no longer child’s play, is it?

Life: No. It’s no longer child’s play;
         There’s another 4-letter word for play
         One could use - but play will do.

Death: Yes. So let’s turn off the lights.

(Lights fade.)

Life: Maybe we should draw the curtains as well?

Death: Yes, we should. (Shouts) CURTAINS!


*(End. Stage is in complete darkness. Curtain.)

Pious John speaks to God often
and noticing his neighbour
lives easy and has a wealthy life
Pious John whinges:
"You know what I don't understand...
I pray everyday and I speak to you often -
yet Atheist Jack my neighbour
has done well and has a better life...
Why?"

"Simple, John," comes God's reply
*"I prefer it when people
don't bother me much"

At said time
and said date and day
I was driving down
Exigency Road
when said gray car
Rego XXhT665
was driving a distance before me
at speed as specified by law
And all of a sudden
there was this so-far unsaid car
that came speeding from the back
and soon was before me
and it all happened like Travolta’s greased lightning
and now-said speeding car hit from the back
already-said car that was behaving itself
driving at speed said by law
(there was a loud sound like: BOOOOM!)
and then the said speeding car reversed
and then ran off, even though traffic lights turned red
It was surely what I saw a hit-and-run case,
not according to the law, which is against the law
And this is what I saw was on
the said aggressive car
that hit illegally, and ran away quickly and unlawfully:
“POLICE  -  VVT21 County“

how did it begin anyway
this love of sound and words and rhythm
and word-painting?
did a bunch of perhaps thirteen men and women
gather one night
under the star-covered trees
and eat pizzas and say:

tonight we'll all not drink sake
or soma
and we'll not have ***
or argue about swines and politics and metaphysics;
we'll not drink wine or breathe in fumes
that make minds gallop like wild boars
but, tonight, we'll drink words instead?

Right...
catfish slippery
gourd slippery
and I am to catch this catfish

mountains stand behind
covered by mist
mountains have grown
as have my whiskers
and my clothes tear and wear out with time
and I am to catch
slippery catfish
with slippery gourd -
O god
of streams and mountains!
how do you catch, dear god of bamboo,
a catfish in a gourd?

and the waters flow
of many monsoons and storms
and the river has changed its course
many times
while I stand here with my gourd
and myself twisted and turned and all my virility lost
not a jot closer to my task
even with the god of riverbanks;
but all the while this catfish jumps around in the stream
mocking
clapping its fins like a pair of hands
and beating the water with its tail
and the message it sends is: “Come on! come on!
Catch me if you can!”

Right...
catfish in the waters slippery
gourd in my hand slippery
and I am to catch this catfish
O god of mist and rocks
how do you catch a catfish in a gourd?

how far gone
gentle breathing partner
how far gone from me
are you in your sleep?
how deep in your dreams
and away from each other?


how far are you
gentle living partner
how far gone within
far, far, far within
such unmeasured distance
are you gone from me
from you
even in waking
and walking and living?
how far are we gone
from ourselves?

O gentle breathing partner,
how far we are gone…

Hi mate…ya, I’m in for
housebreaking and trespassing
and robbery, all in one, ya

Well, I, **** I broke into this mansion
and hey, I picked up lots of rare stuff
precious little things that’d fetch much money
later at the thieves’ market, ya
And I threw them into my handy bag
and then I found myself in the kitchen
and fixed myself a drink, ya
and the sofa was nice
so I sat down to have my drink, ya -
some rich man’s fancy wine or French luxury,
or whatever it was, ya

And it was comfy in the sofa
and the drink I had another
and it was so comfy I went to sleep, ya
and the next moment
the police were there
It wasn’t a dream, ya
It seemed the ****** owners had come in
while I was asleep
and they’d call the police, ya –
****! I’ve always had this habit
of sleeping on the job, ya!

And that's how
I **** got landed here, mate

in the deserted streets last night
the Aliens pointed their laser
and equipment at me
and one of them said:
“Take me to your Leader.”

And hoping to pocket
all the presents
they might have brought
I said:
“Well, I am the Leader
of all Planet Earth.”


And the Aliens
conferred awhile
(as I waited in anticipation
of the presents they might pull out for me)
and one of them turned to me
and the gender-negative Creature said:
“Hail, Leader of All Planet Earth!
Our Intelligence Measurement Devices
give a Low Life Form reading on you;
and so we can deduce
what even Lower Life Forms you must lead” –
and then this gender-negative Creature
turned to the other Aliens and declared:
“Lets’ go. This planet’s not worth our time.”

And thus did I save the Earth
though I wish, at least, those Aliens
had left me some presents for my trouble…

How long do you reckon
it'll take you to read a book
say, of a thousand pages?

Well, it took the intellectual
six months to read, thinking
and considering every page and idea;
the writer took about five months
taking in the aptness and beauty
of each phrase and word;
the teacher took three months,
the librarian two and so did the reviewer -
*but the student,  the student did it in just one night,
just the night before the final exams...

the practical city man –
executive, driven, productive -
so used to due diligence
always pursuing the best deal
goes to the Zen Master
and asks how long it’d take
to reach clear mastery
“Ten years,” says the Master

“But,” says the would-be student
“I’m willing to throw in double the time
your most diligent student puts in
and applying the principles of productivity -
how long will it take me then?”

“Twenty years,” says the Master

it’s funny how
Mr Bean isn’t
known for eating beans
and James Bond
has nothing to do with borrowed money
and interest payments;
Stephen Crane didn’t really
have cranes for relatives
nor was he in the building industry;
and hey, John Carpenter
made movies
and not shelves or kitchen cabinets;
and Carol
doesn’t really sing carols
and has the name all year round
and not just during Christmas;
and me, Raj, it’s odd I’m not a king

last year
when Jane was just 4
I took her out to the shops
and we sat in the meals area -
me with my coffee, and Jane with her lolly -
and this sweet, genial old lady
stooped down and spoke with Jane:
"My, what a beautiful girl you are
How old are you, sweetheart?"

and Jane showed her four fingers;
the old lady collapsed, and died of shock

one year on
and Jane will still not tell
how she got the *four fingers

I will not tell you
nor will I envision how I shall love you;
for indeed I do not know…
so how indeed shall we love?
shall we love like the other-worldly
who say love is all spirit and so will not touch
and are afraid of the pleasures of thrusts and friction
but are all ecstasy in imagined future states
and have no sensations in present bodies?
how indeed shall I love?
I do not think I shall love you
like no lover has since the beginning of love;
I shall not declare such love
in unique ways and how I shall love
and how we shall dine, and eat and converse and be in bed
and build ourselves a home and castles in the air
that shall keep us for eternity
that shall thus render death incapable of doing us apart
I do not see how I shall love
and we do not speak what love will be:
I shall surprise myself;
indeed
we will surprise the moment,
that time itself will turn back and say: *Oh!

it seems man says
(thanks to Descartes):
I think, therefore I am

it seems God says:
*Man thinks I am
therefore I am

come animals
you have no rights;
what rights can you have?
when the Almighty Lord has said
you are but food for man
for man is given dominion over all things

come animals
you have no rights;
so come willingly
and with a broad smile and grin
to lay down your lives
for man’s potbellies;
come animals
with gratitude
for you are the Lord’s sweet and delicious creatures

come with glad hearts and a happy song
no: moo, moo, moo
no: baa, baa, baa…
no: **** a doodle doo
no: bow, wow, wow
no: oink, oink, oink
no: sss, sss, ssss
no: meow, meow, meow
but happily altogether now
you shall sing:
Merrily, merrily
we serve mankind
with a
hee, hee, hee
and a ha, ha, ha
Merrily, merrily
we lay our lives
so that man’s potbellies be filled
and the Lord’s will be done

so King Lion
summoned us for a meeting
and King sat on his throne
and before he started
the King looked in my direction
and he roared:
"Hyena - don't you dare laugh;
here in Council what we deliberate over
is no laughing matter"

And I ****** in my pants
(in a manner of speaking)
and sat throughout the meeting
trembling in fear, as it seemed
to the King -
but also because I had to keep
my suppressed laughter
rocking in my tummy
throughout the meeting

I hate school
because teacher Giraffe is always
picking on me
in his high and lofty manner
He's always pointing at me
with his prehensile tongue
and snorting: "Maybe you'd
like to stop laughing
and share your joke
with the rest of animal class?"

But I don't know no joke;
I just laugh

I am content here
in my open
with the trees and the birds that sing
and the clouds above
and the moon that radiates at night;
and the feel of the warmth of the sun on my
arms and chest and legs
and the feel of the cool water
on my face;
not for me all the revelations
and the vanities
and the theories
and the pomposity
of the life here
and the life hereafter;
for I am content here
in my open
with the trees and the birds that sing

I am e and I don’t like p
p really disgusts me
and makes me go eeeeee!
p is a stalker and purposely tries to get close to me -
see what I mean?
I try to keep p at a distance
but I don’t always succeed
look
I want to get a fruit
and I reach for a pear
and see? - P comes to share!
He wants to make a pair with me!
Oh! I just hate p!
Try and get some peace
but that p instantaneously
casts a shadow over my peace,
as you can see...
I can’t even have fun -
I just want a peek - and p insists on being there;
and if I just take a peep - oh p
infuriates me
like barriers in front and at the back
I try an orange
hoping to get rid of p
but as soon as I start to peel -
oh! I hate it! p’s there, do you see?
I don’t mind s, or c or dear old d
but Oh this stalker p
I hate p
with all my life and energy

and even a hates p
for p thinks it’s good company in papa
when a just wants to be alone;
and worse, p is really crude and smells
and s and i think so too
cos p forces them altogether
and makes them ****...
Oh I am e and I hate p
and the ABC Police tell me it’s not within their purview
could I speak with the Numbers Department?
and the Numbers Department says he’s too important
since he’s in pi
O what can me, we do with p?
I just hate p - he just makes me want to puke!
one of these days, I’m just going to double *** on p!

I am Yun Du-seo,
dearest fellow-beings;
I lived in Korea
and this is my self-portrait
I send to you as a greeting
from the past;
I had my life to art
and loved my fellow-beings
and the creatures of the earth;
and I send this to you
just a human face
to a time that will perhaps
be more enlightened
or sunk deep in violence…
I do not know…
But I send you this face of mine
as a fellow-human being
not so much that you might guess
and confer who I was and what I did
and what I stood for and what I agonized over
but I send you this face
that you might see all of us in
and perhaps to see in this portrait
a oneness and sameness
that we can all celebrate across nations
and creed and ages;
celebrate then, friends, if this comes to you
in radiant times,
and if not, make amends…
I, Yun Du-seo,
send my love to my fellow-beings
and all life and creatures of the earth…

I'm not the talking type you know
(us men will understand;
the women have seen this
in their men)
and being the lonely bloke I am
I bought a parrot for company
and just two hours observing me
in my house
the parrot said to me:
*"We ought to talk more..."

I bring plenty and abundance;
I bring beauty and well-being
I bring that which is wholesome
and I bring that which is good for all of mankind
and I bring goodwill to all nations
and all peoples of the world

may all countries be at peace;
may all the people of the world be as one;
may all nations have plenty and be safe
may they have the wisdom to see what is sufficient
and what is needful and refrain from excess;
may each one wake up each day to a world of love;
may all of humanity set aside all dogma and past
and may they learn to see the new, the future
and be past all creed, beliefs and divisions;
and may they see with clarity
that they are as but children of one family

let there be peace
let there be plenty
let there be harmony
let there be love -
all days and all years
in this our world
that changes and moves all hours and ages

I can spill
well and good
Can you spill?
Let me advise you
you should learn
how to spill -
and to spill well
You see, a lot of people can’t spill
and so we know they are not educated
But if you can spill
like me
so well and so good
and when people read what I write
they know straight away
I’m educated, very well educated
So you see I can spill
and so I’m known all over the world
as educated and polished
and let’s not forget, refined
So can you spill?
If you can’t,
never fear
we are all friends here
I can help you –
I will send you a CD, a DVD and a guide book
and other educational material
(Yes, all written and produced by me –
I told you I’m educated, and polished!)
so you can learn to spill like me
Of course nothing’s for fee –
you must pay me a free
and once I got your money
I will send you all the material
And you can start to spill
just like me!
And all the world
will ask you:
“Oh how did you learn to spill
like this? ”
And you can tell them:
“There’s a learned man Down Under
the famous Raj Arumugam
(Oh, have you never heard?)
and he taught me how to spill
But of course he made me pay a free
for Raj Arumugam as a matter of wise policy
never gives anything for fee
and now you see
I can spill just like Raj Arumugam
both us with much pride and glee
So I can spill. Can you spill?
No? Shame on you! ”

1
Tom sits alone in the bar
staring at
his drink before him
The burly stranger comes in
stares at Tom and seizes Tom's glass
and finishes the drink in one gulp
Tom cries
and the stranger says:
'****! Don't cry!
I was joking
I hate to see a man cry
Wipe your tears off
and I'll buy you many drinks'


2
'No, it's not that, stranger, '
says Tim, still crying
*'I've had a ****** bad day
since the start
I went to work
and my boss fired me
And I went home
and my wife was with another man
I went to the park
and I got bitten by a stray dog
I went back to the car park
and just then somebody drove off with my car
And I came here and
at the exact moment I was going to have the drink
in one gulp
and put an end to my life -
you came in and finished my drink,
every drop of the poison
I had emptied into it'

1
Tom sits alone in the bar
staring at
his drink before him
The burly stranger comes in
stares at Tom and seizes Tom's glass
and finishes the drink in one gulp
Tom cries
and the stranger says:
'****! Don't cry!
I was joking
I hate to see a man cry
Wipe your tears off
and I'll buy you many drinks'


2
'No, it's not that, stranger, '
says Tim, still crying
*'I've had a ****** bad day
since the start
I went to work
and my boss fired me
And I went home
and my wife was with another man
I went to the park
and I got bitten by a stray dog
I went back to the car park
and just then somebody drove off with my car
And I came here and
at the exact moment I was going to have the drink
in one gulp
and put an end to my life -
you came in and finished my drink,
every drop of the poison
I had emptied into it'

Having defied gravity
(not me personally
but by proxy
namely through
a dog, monkey and Soyuz
and fruit flies and bullfrogs
and lately through NASA)
I defy humility
I brave it, I challenge it
for there’s too much hypocrisy
in humility
For humility is such
that it never speaks its name
For when it speaks of Humility
it is Sans Humility
Take me
for example -
you hardly hear me
mention myself as Saint Humility, do you?
But that’s what I am, my other name: Humility
But people keep insisting on calling me Saint Humility
But I defy Humility


POSTSCRIPT
I also defy repetition
and over-emphasis
and contradiction, paradox
But, it must not be left unsaid -
in defying humility,
I think I’ve also
quite inadvertently
defined humility: *Saint Me

1
Commander Alien outlines his strategy
for when visiting earth:
“We should not celebrate Christmas
so we don’t give away our presence”

2
one alien goes to the cat
and says to it:
“Take me to your litter!”
The other one turns to the gas pump and grunts:
“It’s really rude of you
to stick your fingers into your ears
When I’m talking to you!”


3
One alien goes into the shop
and orders his favorite tea items:
Gravi-tea and Mars-mallows

4
One alien goes to wash
in the meteor shower;
while the other comes to find
he’s had a ticket cos he
forgot to pay the parking meteor

5
But not all aliens are dumb though,
as this final tale will show

One alien goes to the pillar box
and tells the post box:
“Take me to your leader”
And the other alien shouts across:
*“Hey, you dumbo –
can’t you see he’s only a child!”

I'd like to talk about I -
ergo, a poem about I
I write I poems
therefore I am
and I'd like you to read about I
and then another poem about I,
ad nauseam
Look, if I find I so obsessively interesting
I don't see why
you should not love my I
I am unique, and I mean I -
so you should find I;
and I reiterate
I'd like to talk about I
a poem about I
each ubiquitous I poem
the equivalent of a visual selfie:
the I-am-eating-cornflakes-now type
or I-am-constipated-now type
I am I's favourite - I follow I
so I'd like you to read about I
You will surely find I
(cos I know I best)
a pleasure to eye

If I were the king
endowed with a sting
I wouldn’t be writing this poem
I ‘d just summon you to court
and when you are on your knees proper
I’d just get you to sing
a song, a poem
that goes:
ding-a-ling-ling
bling-a-ling-a-ling
ding-don g-a-ding-ding

and I’d silence you and pronounce aloud
be telling you then
none in the land writes well at all
and I’ll take your own horrid song from you
and I’ll be telling you:
“Listen to my song
Listen to my poem”
And I’d recite your very own lines to you
And I’d ask you: “What do you think? ”
And of course you’d say,
trembling:
“No one in the land
Sire
in all the wide world -
no one writes like you, Sire”

But that’s if I were King
which I am not
And so I’ll have to sing
and write my own poems
(except when I’m plagiarising)
And you’ll be here nice and honest
just laughing and rolling
as I sing:
*ding-a-ling-ling
bling-a-ling-a-ling
ding-don g-a-ding-ding

you sit before me at the bench
and you throw your head back
hair loose, and neck exposed
as you drink water from the bottle
O, it makes me want to kiss your neck
lick it wet,
and drink from your mouth
and kiss your ears
but you laugh and push me back
and you say:
I don’t trust you
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there


I don’t trust you
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there


you wave at a friend passing by
and I say I love that wrist exposed
and I want to kiss your naked wrists
and I want to kiss your neck
it makes me feel like these vampires
these kids today rave about
but you laugh and push me back
and you say:
I don’t trust you
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there

O look sweetheart
you may not trust yourself
and you may not trust me
but I trust myself
so let me kiss your neck and ears
and let me nibble at your wrists
and let me drink from your mouth
cos I really trust myself


and still you laugh
and you won’t let me
and you say:
*I don’t trust you
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there

you sit before me at the bench
and you throw your head back
hair loose, and neck exposed
as you drink water from the bottle
O, it makes me want to kiss your neck
lick it wet,
and drink from your mouth
and kiss your ears
but you laugh and push me back
and you say:
I don’t trust you;
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there


I don’t trust you;
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there


you wave at a friend passing by
and I say I love that wrist exposed
and I want to kiss your wrists
and I want to kiss your neck
it makes me feel like these vampires
these kids today rave about
but you laugh and push me back
and you say:
I don’t trust you;
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there

O look sweetheart
you may not trust yourself
and you may not trust me
but I trust myself
so let me kiss your neck and ears
and let me nibble at your wrists
and neck
cos I really trust myself


and still you laugh
and you won’t let me
and you say:
*I don’t trust you;
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there

the world’s so unpredictable
so different, difficult and uncomfortable often
that I wish everyone were like me
just like me, or better still, exactly like me…
you’ll see, this is the only solution, logically –
beyond the shadow of a doubt, as many are inclined to say,
which expression in itself I find so inconvenient …

you see
because you and you and you are not like me
it all becomes such a waste
with all the negotiation and adjustments
and time spent and funds depleted
in persuasion and information campaigns

but just imagine:
if everybody were like me
and I had to attend a meeting
and of course everybody had to attend the meeting
how convenient and efficient  and quick that would be
cos it’s all just
me, me, me and me
and yet more me, me, me, me and me…
Indeed need we hold meetings at all?
since it’s all me? Just me?
Cos if you are me, and everyone else is me
in my Brave New Me World,
all me know what each me thinks
and wants, than we need not meet me
and one me wherever one is can initiate,
conduct and finish the me meeting…
You get me?

and think of it on a national scale too…
if everyone were like me,
exactly like me –
so that all we have is
me, me, me and me
and yet more me, me, me, me –
imagine the nation in all its simplicity and convenience;
there’d be no need to argue with me
because me agrees with me
and me is one religion, me is one will, one thought,
one language (gibberish, but still one language)
and everything in the nation
will just have to be planned for me.
Simple:
satisfy me and satisfy all
for it’s all me…
for me is the Nation

I leave it to you
to think more of this Me Nation
(or do you need some animation?)

And that silly United Nations -
do you think if everyone were like me
or better still exactly like me,
do we need to have all these delegates and dignitaries flying around
(and sometimes shoes flying too)
and eating half the UN funds in dinners and perks and sightseeing?
Oh, think about it –
if everyone were like me
just as in the Me Nation
you won’t have all this waste in Me UN…
You don’t even need the UN;
just Me is enough
the Me UN…


And what about the world?
have you thought about it?
with me all over the world
and if everyone in the world
were me, me, me, and me and me –
you know, a Chinese me, and an Indian me,
an American me, a Russian me
black me, white me, Christian me, Muslim me, Hindu me,
or atheist me - whatever me is, all is -
and so on
native me and foreign me
just me, me , me, me, me
(Oh, I just love this me!)
everywhere me
and then if I were the President of the world
which I will surely be
cos every me will choose me
cos everyone will want me to be the President
and with President Me
no one will disagree
and there’s no waste
and the word will be so pleasant –
cos I’m no *******
(will me want to hurt me?)
And everything will be so easily arranged
and every me will be in a happy world society
as me is the best me to become every me
One me will be the same as me
and me happy is all happy
And President Me need not worry about
Opinion Polls and votes and what the people want
and President Me need not give lies
and Me People need not listen to ****
cos it’s all just me,
me, and me -
and as if I don’t know what I think,
and what I want, and as if I’d want to kick my own ****
and so it’ll be a Presidency where everyone will be happy
because all things are made for me and planned the way for me
and it’ll be a perpetual everlasting Presidency
for with everyone like me, everyone being me
it’ll be always me coming
new generations or old or dying or single moms and dads
always
me, me, me and more and more me, me, me, me
for perpetuity

and so how about you, what do you think?
Wouldn’t it be all more efficient
and the world a better place
if everyone were like me?
No, no…I don’t mean like you!
Not like you, but like me, me, me,
me, me, me, me…
What do me think?
But since you are like me, you are me
I don’t need to know what you think
*Me no need to know what me thinks…

1

if you meet
a snake with fangs
as large as sore thumbs
don’t put your hand out and say:
'How do you do?'
Otherwise
it’d might take a bite
and it’d say:
'How do you do?'


if you meet
an alien
in the streets
don’t say:
'Hey, what you’re
doing in my territory?'
he’d might just zap
you with his laser gun and say:
'Oh, I just dropped in to say:
Earthling, buzz off!'


if you meet God in the streets
just don’t say:
'Who do you think you are?'
for the most certain answer
from that loony would be:
'I’m God…'


if you meet the Devil in the streets –
well, you just shouldn’t be
meeting anyone like that;
just run!



2

if you meet a ghost
in the shadows
of your garden
(or anywhere
for that matter)
don’t say:
'How does it feel there?'
because it may just jump in
and say:
'Hey, it feels good to be in you.'


if you find
your pillow
on the floor
when you wake
in the middle of the night
just don’t say:
'What you doing on the floor?'
just grab it
tuck it under your head and say:
'Just stay there!'



if you find Old Jenny grandma’s dentures
in a glass beside your bed
when you wake up in the middle of the night
don’t say:
'Old Grandma – what are your dentures doing here?'
It’s yours, remember? – you are Old Jenny Grandma!


if you meet a bird in the streets
resting on a lamp post
whatever you do
just don’t stand below the light
for you never know what might land on you


if you meet me
in the streets
just don’t stretch out your hand
and don’t say:
'How do you do?'
because I’ll have to you give you the boot –
Cos, hey, I’m Bigfoot!

if you should fall
any stage in your life
in your struggles
even in your leisure -
anytime, for you
I shall be there

even if you should fall
high on from the ladder
or in desperate moments
or even just from a chair
know that I shall be there
anytime, for you
always I shall be there

Oh, by the way
I'm not your mom -
*I'm just the plain hard floor