She stepped beyond herself
Exhausted by childhood and the need to conform to the will of others,
How ever loving they may be
Her clipped wings were free to fly in the majesty of life’s roller coaster ride.
Little did she know that wild spirits lurked in the forests glades
Waiting to devour such a sweet innocent girl child soul.
No lesson learnt at desks or at her mother breast had equipped her for this fall.
But to her mother’s arms she fell.
Backwards falling
Tumbling
Needing the womb like safety that only a child in arms knows.
Mother without judgement holds her love in palms journey
Not letting go until tears subside
And reminds young heart
That hearts were not only made for loving,
But also for healing
And so it goes.

In your fragile world
Even the wings of a butterfly could
manage to sweep you to the ground.
You lie in the dirt
Like a cast off
Like a lost soul with no home to dwell in.
Thoughts bouncing around inside,
Threatening to break you down,
Warning of last chances
Freedom calls
Will you answer or will you slither aimlessly away
Giving a ****
May just help you get on the right footing
It may help you choose where you go to next
Crossroads
Dark forests
Gutters
And the breath of Angels
Which shall you choose to be your guide I wonder
Hands held clasped
Closing off all that come near
Hear me
See me here
Picking up pebbles from the beach reminds me of you
It is possible to go from
lost to found.
Maybe you would like to take a stroll
Feet in wet sand
Toes curling
**There's a smile and a warm heart to be found here.

When you disappear from the page
And no one even notices your absence.
When your return is but a passing glance into a world you’d left waiting.
To walk alone holding your head in your hands unable to hold the weight of the world news within your understanding.
To just be
No expectations
No loss
Just breathing between the lines.

I don’t know this place anymore
The faces aren’t  here
The souls don’t linger just a moment
Conversations are void from the blank frameless canvas on my screen

JP caught the last train out
I was told he waved a silent goodbye
To the nobodies standing on the station

Eileen and Chris with their beautiful words
Fell apart and drifted away from us all
The winds of change taking them to the most remote places.
Eileen is dancing with the pixies and making wishes on stars
Chris not so

Gabrielle beautiful girl
Head so strong and wiser than her years
Has her head in a book or a family to raise or a degree in wisdom for all of her days

Paddy
Now paddy can be found down by the stream
Anyone who knew him
Will know what I mean
The fishes are high and the summer is long
But from this place your spirit has gone

Bathsheda
She ran
(And I mean ran real fast)
To the hills
where she runs free
Screaming obscenities
At anyone who might pass
A doff of the hat
A piece of that cake
A moment of connection
Make no mistake
A women of word
Who won’t take your fooling
But for that chocolate cake she would be drooling

Lily oh lily
Oh lily my love
I think you were sent from heaven above
You warm my heart still
But your not of this place
And it’s never here I glimpse your face

Gonzo
My friend
With a smile that hides the reality of a man
Your darkness I love
Your sorrow I weep
But away from here
The burden was too steep

Richard
Now what can I say
You just got up
Left the front door open with no poetic note to say good bye
We yearned
We missed
We adapted
Then we all left
The glue had gone

Helen
Let’s open a bottle and drown all our tears
Well we could
But your not even here

The silence sometimes finds me searching for you
The breathlessness of a forgotten night
You held your sanity within that darkness
I was afraid
I felt your fear
I felt your hatred
You pulled me under
I loved every cell in your messed up world
And you turned away
You left
You betrayed the nothingness
Of an irrelevant friendship
Good to say
I learnt my lesson
There was no one quite like you
I let you in
You broke me
But it wasn't reality
So as the darkness settled
There was no where else to go than up and out
So thanks
I guess I understand more about the situation than you first believed
But it made for some amazing poetry
I do miss that

Funny how life takes you to places
Where people write upon your soul
* They show you themselves in colours so true
Then stamp their feet like toddlers out of control


*In valleys so deep I found my heart
He stood there arms wide open
He had been waiting such a long time
And yet never faltered in his understanding
I so love him for that

Lover of the night and sleeper of the day
Hawks fly better when chased by eagles I've heard  
Fear cripples the soul
Fear encompasses all that we are
Leaving us bare

*Beauty of all
Thankfulness of all
greatness is created at the feet of masters long past
And yet as poets we glow
We grow
We understand and we carry our souls with pride

Mirrored within my fragile grasp is
a reflection of a time that stood still
Memories faded
Lines on brows
That can never be smoothed away
Worry and anxiety
Keep us safe but also keep us
hollow and fearful of life
If I could crack through the surface
Would I see what I thought I knew

The palm of your hand tells truths you are yet to discover
You can't fight it
This is your life
Your misunderstanding
Your mistake
Your chance to redeem your soul

Chances don't come often
Will I jump with a leap of faith
Knowing I could fall flat on my face
Soul low
Hands *****
Heart sore

Faith in myself
Says fly
Fly higher
Higher than you've ever flown before
Cracked mirrors projecting self will not stop me
Passed hurts  buried under the soil are long gone
There is no reason on earth or in hell
For me not to shine my light
Fear
Fear is just an excuse
An excuse I am no longer willing to go by
Maybe my grasp is not as fragile as I first believed

Fly high
Always shining your glorious light
Like a safe haven
A lighthouse
Upon the rocks of life

She was hoping for a little peace
to warm her busy sharlet day
but the grey city loomed heavy on her mind
And though the  black birds sang sweeter
Today it seemed to annoy her
Shades of green swayed outside her window
Whilst white cotten clouds swam
In a sea of tranquil blue
But still
All she saw was grey

She wears fine cloth made from star dust
Sheer and fine
Jewels hang like tears from the edges of her gown
The moon is high and beckoning for her recognition
For this is a time of harvest and the wolves are howling their knowing
Hold tight child in womb all will soon be shown to you
Life returns to dust
As lovers can not agree to let love just be
The light of source is touching the spirit
Making us feel strong
Binding all that is together in its natural rhythm
Drums sound and smoke rises
Lady of this magical night stands forth and offers herself
To the great creator
Creator of distruction as much as creator of spirit
As both are of the same
Bathe in moon lit rivers and spend time with soul
Tomorrow we will hunt and break bread with fools

Notice me  
I'm screaming inside my head
Cant you hear?

The cracks in your story are illuminated within reason
And your truths are so transparent
Even I can see beyond the void
And past the screen you hold up to hide behind
Sunsets have no need to hide beauty
Nature basks in truth
It is only mere man that wanders aimlessly
Wanting a place where his truth is hidden
Come I beg
Drown me in your desire for a life less meaningless
Oh how I desire it more my friend
And how the sunsets beauty no longer sets me free from my suffering
Souls scream
Hearts are fragmented, crumbled and left to scatter on the breeze
Your scars are unique
And I my friend will trace with my finger tip along each one
Like a dot to dot
And you will show me your truths
You have tried to stay hidden
But I'm sorry you have failed
There are a few
We are special
We are unique
Maybe we are your scars made into reality
Maybe we are your madness running wild
Write a story of unburdened love
Create an art piece
Before it crumbles
What was it that you desired?
Who were you portraying before you lost self to the breeze?
You may like to believe my friend that transparency does not exist
That your not made of glass
That you will not break
But break we must at the end of every day
So that tomorrow in sunrise the sharp edges may morph and surrender
Once more hiding within
The man excapes into the sunrise too fearful
And yet does not realise
The truth before his own eyes

Shivering energy
Running riot
Trying to hold on
Wanting so much
To pick up the phone
To tell you
That I can live without you
But its not my Desire
That I can hold on stronger
But I do.t feel strong
Tears falling like diamonds
Priceless moments
Left behind
I fell
I stumbled
But I will not give in to
The feeling of hopelessness
Which threatens
My senses

I love
The way you smile at yourself in the mirror
When you think no one is looking

I could be the best mistake you've ever made
             Of course
Then again
I could be the worst decision you chose to ignore

You left the taste of your soul on my pillow.
Thrown onto the floor,
Clinging for a moment to bare floorboards.
My crimson lipstick still lingers
upon my favourite coffee mug.
A memoir to a yesterday lover,
who didn’t quite match up to expectations.
A thoughtful moment of contemplation,
A mistake,
Too many times makes this a mistake …
My cup runneth over,
Yet still I hunger for more of what I’m unaware I need.
My hands held in prayer,
For I beg to understand my flaws.
I beg for the memoirs to be sweeter.
I move slowly around this day,
Letting the scent of you to hold me hostage.
Until the next time I guess…
And I place the pillow back,
puffing up it’s body,
as my frailty is replaced with action,
My coffee cup once again sparkles with the perfection of the moment that hangs before me.
A moment of possibilities,
A future laid with unspoken promises.
But if I hold my ear quietly to my pillow,
I’m sure I heard your soul  whispering,
Something beautiful.
Maybe,
Just maybe,
Next time
You’ll stay.
But,
Reality
never matches up
To the illusion …

What is your concept of broken
A man's mind can become fragmented
Sometimes one glimpes the illusion we live in
Only to retreat into the blindness
They find comfortable
Controllable
I have lived with many a broken man
But they taught me well
I found my strength
I realised
That though we seem torn apart
Broken hearts bleeding for comfort
We are all just where we are ment to be
Manifestations of our inner worlds
Tears fall
Skin is cut
Suicide brings comfort
A soul spurs towards the light
As unbroken
As the day it stepped upon this earth

I love the way my hair feels when i submerge myself under water

I love the way you smell when i nestle into the side of your neck

So sweet but musky all the same

I love the way you turn me down when I'm being nothing but a spoilt brat

I love that

I love that your the only man that has ever stood their ground

I love that you wouldnt let anyone hurt me and youd rather walk out

on a friend than see me be put down

I needed that

I love that when your around I feel safe in your embrace

I love that closeness that i cherish beyond all else

I love how you never say good bye but see u soon

Goodbye is too final you said and we are forever

So forever we will stay

I love you for not being perfect

because i like the madness it makes you special

It makes you unique

It makes you mine

I love how you  give me flowers you said you got them off the

grave of some ole man; I really didnt mind

I love how you whisper in my ear before I fall into sleep

I also love when you turn my face to yours and call me your beloved

You women , your everything ,your wife*

**I love how my mind plays tricks on me while I write these lines

For a moment I even thought you were real

Quietened moments
  Recollections of time past
Indulging within
Meditative indifference

Dark forces beckon
Pulling me down roughly
Into a cassom of feverish memories
He left because
Because he would rather be alone than be with
Someone who wants
Needs just a fragment more than he is able to give
God dam life ***** at times
Tears only fall when I allow myself a moments worth of self pity
All around me see that I'm doing fine
Never mentioning his name
Smile on face
Always the one to deal with the brunt of everyone else's needs
Come now who needs me next
Come take another piece
I'm sure there is plenty of me to go around
I find myself so small and needy at times
But put out your hand my friend
I feel your pain
It was my destiny to find you and make you whole
Do you trust all that I say
Then come sit in this corner a while
We can rock together
Mindlessness and misunderstanding
Narrow minds and yesterday's tears
It should be a great way of getting to know each other don't you agree ?

Shaking hands
Fragmented mind
Curling up in a ball
Safety

So back again
Walking the shadows of sleeplisness
This time
Tablet in hand
An answer maybe
But not the one you may assume
If only you could read my mind
Probably best not to
Confusion has taken up residency of late
Such a strange moment
When technology astounds us once more
And words change their meanings
Ok I'm waffling
Sleep comes not fast
As the wind hounds bark
And the silver moon plays havoc
With my instincts
I would walk the moors
But there are no moors around here
So in dreaming I must excape I guess
First to down this tablet
Technology
And I don't even need water
Infact I'll just place it on the bedside table
That's all there is to it
Once I've switch it off that is.

I see  You
I see you

Please don't stand too close
The devil has broken free from the shackles of his cage and is threatening
To take from me anyone that comes near

Stepping back quietly with grace would be your best option
But even then I can't promise your get out of this in one whole piece

Fragmented pieces falling
You crumble at my feet

If only you'd listened

The devil within
The Angel within
He fell
In darkness as in the light
As in day
As in night

Shh place your finger to your lips
Silence breeds contempt you say
But I say it just serves to keep you safe

In shadows we find ourselves
As sunrise appears
We thank god we have survived

I see you

Please don't stand too close
The devil has broken free from the shackles of his cage and is threatening
To take from me anyone that comes near

Stepping back quietly with grace would be your best option
But even then I can't promise your get out of this in one whole piece

Fragmented pieces falling
You crumble at my feet

If only you'd listened

The devil within
The Angel within
He fell
In darkness as in the light
As in day
As in night

Shh place your finger to your lips
Silence breads contempt you say
But I say it just serves to keep you safe

In shadows we find ourselves
As sunrise appears
We thank god we have survived

She had built a wall so well around the fortress of her heart
But there were cracks forming

In her iron armour
There was rust forming at sharp edges

There was a feeling that
Maybe a connection
Wouldn’t be so bad after all

To live and not live
Surely that is a crime
To breath but not let love close
A mortal sin maybe

But she couldn’t see the faces on the souls that beckoned
She knew no one in which she would desire to connect

So what then?

When your young you fall into the arms of strangers without a thought

Wisdom brings many things

Solitude and often silence can
Sooth and yet taunt in unison.

Maybe I should never of tried to love
But it felt real
Even after I ******* myself over
and waited for you to stumble back
But I did try
I gave you as much as you would take
But looking back I think you
Just wanted moments
Moments of love
Moments of happiness
Moments of me
There's the problems
I wanted more than moments
You said I was your lover
But you fitted me nicely inside your box
Neatly putting me away when your desire for me
Was not alight
You told me I was your best friend
And yes sometimes you were mine too
But only if it fitted in
I should be able to call you at three in the morning if I need to
But I never would have even if I was hurting or scared
Its been fun but
I wanted a partner
I wanted more
Now I don't want that with you because I know you haven't got it to give
I should have know the first time
We cant be friends
It just doesn't work like that
I'm so sorry
This time I guess it really is good bye
I would of texed this to you but I think it safer
this way
The words I left unsaid
Because you didn't seem to hear me or see me anyway
But I did love you and it does hurt
You just didn't really see me

Enough now

Enough

I wrote HATE upon the sand
Carefully with stick in hand
I sat while time drew by
I felt so sad but didn’t cry
Hate takes all the pain away
so as my hate drains  to the sea
I found my self
I found me
The breeze was cool upon my skin
Thinking deep dark thoughts of nothing
And everything and all in-between
The longing that hatred took away
Was part of me and here I stayed
I whispered to you across the sea
I hate you for leaving me
I hate that I am all alone
I hate that my heart has turned to stone
Hatred uncompressed my all, my soul
I hated life
I yearned for death
Id reached the end, was on the edge
Within a sphere of hatred suspended
By a thread of understanding  
I don’t want to understand
I hate myself for understanding
And that’s why this all has to stop
When you hate your self it’s time to let go
So I wrote my HATE upon the sand
Carefully with stick in hand ............

Today i took all sharp objects
And put them in a bag
With a draw string
And pulled it tight
Then put it away somewhere safe

Theres no way I can chuck these things away
What happens when i need to slice the bread
If I have no knife
Will I have to tare at the loaf like the knife tares my skin
Still being reminded of the reason why I havn't got the knife
And what happens when i need to draw a circle
Will the plate be ok to draw around
but what if the plates too big
Will i get frustrated and smash the plate
Making more sharpe edges to play with
What if the screws need turning to make them tight
Will the ***** driver find its way into my hand
Will the screws get tightened
Will I wonder the nail look more inviting than the driver
Will i place it back in the bag
thats the question I ask my self

And you look into my eyes and say
this bag is not here to keep these things from you
Its just here to remind you to put them away
To keep them out of sight
Until you really need them

So I want to know
Why With the pen (which I know is sharp)
have you placed a notepad in the bag
How can the note pad hurt me ?

I look deep
And sweet poetess you know the answer
There may be no god today
There may be no blue skies
No rainbows to warm your soul
No sunshine
Only rain and the bitterness of life
But with the pen and paper you can create
Your own world
Full of magic and belief
shooting stars and beautiful dreams
Or you may just wish to slash at the pages
with the pen and pretend the paper is your wrist

I my self would like for you to spit your pain upon
the sheets of paper so i know how your feeling
And when i know how your feeling
I can try to give the words you need

Be it only to know that some one
gives a dam
about how your feeling right now

I miss you
I miss us
I miss myself
The me that is me when I’m with you
I miss those moments
And the moments between moments
Shared moments
Quiet moments
Even the loud angry moments
Because they were still moments with you
I just miss
The moments