Unrelenting heat
Persists for protracted days
Outstaying it’s welcome now
Oppressive the lack of shade

Nowhere to escape and hide
From the blinding rays
Sweaty, sleepless nights
Wandering around in a daze

Fatiguing soaring temperatures
Sap vitality
Lounging is all I feel capable of
Low output, productivity

The air so densely humid
Almost another layer to bear
I yearn for the intermittent breeze
To cool and caress my hair

Gooey tarmac
Scorched white grass
Too prickly to sit
It scratches my a**e

Too sweltering now to bask
And obtain a golden glow
Instead I dodge the searing fingers
That singe me as they stroke

From dawn til dark and into the night
The temperature persistently high
I toss and turn and beg for mercy
But it continues until it’s light

Oh pretty please would you kindly
Turn it down a notch
It’s boring now, really
To be so burning hot

Bring on the rain
To cleanse us all
Extinguish the furnace
Rehydrate, let it fall!

Drench my skin
Until I’m soaking wet
Bring about rebirth
I entreat, nay, I beg!

Catapulted into the world
My journey began
A life unfurled

The road ahead was long
I embarked on a path
I’m not sure I planned to be on

I managed to somehow crawl
Began to walk
Sometimes I’d fall

I’d have to get back up
My legs were unsteady
To stand was tough

But I got there in the end
Skills for the future
Had I learned

Obstacles come and go
**** back bridges
Jar the flow

The potholes can catch me out
Stumbling
Sometimes I cry out

Sometimes it’s plain sailing
I bound along
Without complaining

Sometimes I have a hand to hold
To keep me company
And contemplate growing old

Sometimes I go it alone
The littlest hobo
Needing no one

Other times I yearn for a friend
But ultimately
We negotiate the bends

And twists and turns by ourselves
For it’s a solo trip
That cannot be shelved.

Bubble gum is amazing
It stretches when you blow
You can wrap it miles around your tongue
And inflate that stuff like dough

Especially Hubba Bubba
The stretchiest of them all
Blow that ***** f*er
And you can have a ball!

But remember it’s only membrane
Though tough it has its limits
It’ll only stretch so far
Til it splits and covers you in it

Stretchy things aren’t infinite
Even they can be spread too thin
So careful with that stuff
Or it’ll burst and splat, done in.

The same applies to people
They can only bend so far
Before they inevitably snap
Broken, clean in half.

We only have one pair of hands
And helpful as one can be
If everyone wants a piece of you
It becomes an impossibility

To fulfil their needs
And still meet your own
You end up depleted
Clapped out, on the floor

So you must set boundaries
Look after yourself
Learn to say ‘no’
Think of your health

When it all gets too much
That’s a red flag right there
So take a step back
Regroup and take care

For if you’re burnt out
You’re no good to anyone
So repeat after me:
‘I’m not a piece of bubblegum’.

Double standards
Hypocrisy
One rule for them
Another for thee

Tongues dripping with lies
The fangs are almost out
Better watch your back
Or you’ll be pulling swords, no doubt

Under surveillance
The ever watchful eye
Monitoring your every move
To see if you comply

Rules to be obeyed
Judgements in the ether
You have to respect their laws
Or expect a sermon from their preacher

Live and let live
Doesn’t apply
You’ll be reprimanded
Though you may not understand why

If they disagree with your actions
And the way you prioritise
Because it jars with them
And you eventually they despise

So be careful what you say
And how much you divulge
For it may be held against you
And all favour you had annulled

For familiarity
breeds contempt
Sad but true
I lament

Best to put
Some space between
You and that ‘force’
That notices everything

Take some distance
Step right back
Shield yourself
From unwarranted attacks

I guarantee
It’s for the best
Extract yourself
From the vipers’ nest.

Shellac looks real pretty
It’s also tough and gritty
But when it’s chipped and ******
You have to again dive into your kitty
Which is a pity

You can’t just whip it off
For that varnish is ****** tough
It’s made of very strong stuff
And a chisel ain’t enough
Which is rough

It requires professional help
Heavy duty acid to make it melt
Then they scrape it off which is hell
Every chunk when it’s peeled can be felt
Which makes you yelp

So you pay them to put it on
And you wear it a while which is fun
But when you’re finally done
You must pay again to make it gone
Which is a con

So enough of shellac have I had
For the expense is driving me mad
Never again will I succumb to this fad
Unless a lottery win do I have
Which is sad

It’s a waste of tinfoil after all
To have your mitts so adorned
You could almost plug them into a wall
And power the entire street from dusk til dawn
Which could cause a fireball

Then you’d be totally fried
And have no need for shellac which once tried
Is so addictive it bleeds your bank dry
Until you wake up and see the light
Which is right

Traditional nail polish is best
Though the fumes do play hell with your chest
And it don’t last as long as the rest
But at least it’s not much to invest
Which is the test

So I’m sodding the shellac
Giving gels the sack
To basics I’m going back
Using the old laq
Which is cheaper, albeit crap

And that is that.

You fill the bowl
To wash the pots
You make sure the water
Is scorching hot

Plenty of fairy
To cut through the gunge
Then into the deep
Do your marigolds plunge

But in a split second
You cry out in pain
A blood curdling scream
There’s a ******* hole in them again!

Your fingers are singed
You jump up and down
Wrestling with the rubber
Dragging it down

Over your arms
As fast as you can
Revealing the blisters
All over your hands

How on earth
Did these marigolds go
And foil me again
By acquiring a hole?

They’re ****** brand new
Only worn them once!
Yet somehow they’re torn
And my digits are toast

Why does this happen?
Is there no God?
Invent some ******* rubber
Immune to the ****

Of a mystery hole punch
That wins every time
Incinerating my poor fingers
As I try to remove grime!

Surely there’s an answer
An invention for that -
If only rubber gloves
Were made of shellac.

Throat is sore
Glands are up
Banging head
Down on my luck

Confined to my bed
But too hot to sleep
Missing the air con
But for work I’m too weak

Swimming in
My own sweat
Stuck to the sheets
Which are wringing wet

Like a water bed
Or rather a paddling pool
My mattress has become la mer
But it’s stifling as oppose to cool

Life in the attic
Is an arduous affair
Sub Siberian in winter
Sweltering in summer sans any air

Oh, bring me an oscillating fan!
To waft me as I ail
In silver or white but definitely not black
Coordination with decor must prevail

I scour Argos
and Amazon online
But the fans are so plentiful
I cannot decide

Which one to order
And can they deliver?
Oh f**k, they’ve sold out
That’ll teach me to dither!

I’ll take a cold shower
If I can muster up the strength
To stand up for long enough
To get myself drenched

Nay, I’m too frail
At least at the minute
Thus my sweat sodden bed
Retains me in it

If I could just sleep awhile
Replenish my energy
Of this BO ridden pit
Could I at last be free

But this lurgey with which I’m afflicted
Coupled with the heat
Is keeping me awake
Sedate me, oh somebody, please!

I shouldn’t complain
It’s nice to have sun
But being broiled alive
Isn’t very much fun

Thus with the lobster
I utterly empathise
So torcherous and barbaric
A way to meet one’s demise

Fortunately I’m not a crustacean
Forcibly yanked by a net from the sea
I’m merely a girl with a viral complaint
Not viewed as a delicacy

Thus I should quit whining
And focus on being ill
For my head in the freezer could I stick
And with the frozen peas chill.