I don't always think about,
how my actions hurt others......
I've been since a child
bumping heads.......
I remember the blood
and my apology.......
means nothing
as she's screaming,.......
I was un-co-ordinated,
and was running
and smacked so hard.
Amanda, 3 times in
the playground.
I only ever felt pain
for a few seconds,
and started to giggle
upon recovering
as I just felt
the impact
and not even
a bruise.

but...
saw  her head
gushing,
it was tormenting
to see
but I can't imagine
how she felt like.
How the heck
did I smack
into the same girl
three times?
Coincidence
or bad luck
or destiny
at the
age of seven.

She was carried away
by a teacher
on the third time,
needed stitches
the poor thing.

It still makes
me feel sick
though
un-intentional
of hurting her.

The teachers didn't
blame me
or disciplined me,
though I kinda wish
they actually did.

falling asleep with
towels wrapped around my wrist
and blood stains on my blankets.
no one will know, though.
it’s a hard thing to admit,
but i wish they would.
maybe they would show me empathy.
but it’s fine,
i’ll keep being strong until i can’t anymore,
and when that happens,
everyone will know.

It’s bittersweet to escape the world with you.
When you’re gone, I feel empty.
But then you sent me just enough to keep believing that dreams can happen.

And I keep dreaming.
I keep seeing you.
Those deep set eyes.

They have different vibes.
Sometimes tired and weary, sometimes wild and full of energy.
And magic.
I’m not afraid in the dark.
I’m not afraid of what you tell me from the dark.
And I stay.
Because I don’t know who I am to you when you leave.

And then I’m alone with all the pain all over again.
Never truly with you, never truly without you.

I guess you touched me deeply.
In a way I wasn’t prepared to receive.
Not anymore, not ever again.
You’re not mine.
But I am yours.
I have no destiny.
In this world, my only destiny is to wander.
To meet people as I do.
To be a mirror.
To be a stone, a Labradorite.
To give some insight, to shed a different light on everything.
I’m that moth that comes in somehow.

A message.
I come as an intervention to your story.
I sing a song when the lights go dim.
In between all the plays.
I am that moment where people can decide what’s next.
Or just wait for the next chapter.
But they can see everything that has happened before.
And they can decide what they do after.
I’m always in between places.
Not at home.
Sometimes escaping into a place where I feel mostly as if I’m there.
At home.

Where I belong.
Do I belong with you in some way?

I hope so, because I feel so much when you just only look at me.
I guess I need you as much as you need me right now in this moment.
Let’s embrace it and let’s take it.
What have we got to lose anyway?

But still, I can’t help wishing you were here when you’re not.
I want to escape this world all the time.
And when there’s somebody that makes me feel at home, of course that’s where I want to be.

Tall cliffs covered with tiny yellow flowers,
a sky painted violet,
and the scorching sun of summer.
We walk to the spring to drink fresh water.

Teenagers are swimming in the little river,
the shade of the trees cools the water even more.
How delightful it is to be here
as if you are filled with love.

A gentle breeze touches your faded hair,
making you forget all sorrows,
even the most painful ones.

Your child walks ahead already grown
You still see the cliffs, along whose edge you both follow the path.