White.
Plain white.
All I could see was the white.
It was a numbing sensation,
Which in my case was a relief.
I guess.
It was a pleasant change;
A break, for once, from the hurt.
From feeling as if my everything was tearing apart.

I had felt as if my chest had been cracked open,
My innards spilling out in a painful gush,
And the only thing I could do,
Was hug something close.
And maybe the tighter I held it,
The closer together everything inside me was,
And the closer to being better I was.

But it made me feel alone.
To hug a stuffed animal,
In a desperate attempt to make myself well.
To stops the heart aching and sobbing.
All I wanted was to be held,
And comforted,
And just held together.
Because everything felt as if it were falling apart.

But now it’s gone,
For now, at least.
I’ve let it all out,
Like I so rarely do.
I’ve cried it all away,
It feels as if I don’t have any tears left.

I’ll relish in this,
In this short period of numb.
Because as soon as I let it,
As soon as I move from this spot,
As soon as my mind begins to work again,
It’ll be back.
The cycle will begin again.