I love you and I miss you. And I love you and miss you constantly. And I fall asleep with the thought of your right arm loosely around my waist and your left arm underneath the pillows, your hand slightly entangled with mine. I can feel my legs slightly intertwined with yours, finding comfort in the fact that this is my favorite embrace. This thought will help me sleep. But then I am aware of my thoughts when I am with you. You know? I'm in my bed thinking about what I think about when I'm sleeping with you. And as though I am there, I feel and hear everything. I can see the light from the TV casted onto the walls and ceiling and i am aware of my blinking. I can hear you drift off into sleep. You begin to breathe shallow and then start to snore that tiny lawn mower snore, and I know that you're not consciously here, or is there? And I start thinking about how lucky I am. How amazing you are. And how much I don't want to sleep just so I can cherish this moment for as long as possible.
I can imagine looking over you, your clock and reading it. 3 in the morning already. I should sleep. And I feel my eyelids growing heavy and by this time the movie is over and the room turns dark and I know I know I know that I should sleep. But I'm so afraid. I'm so afraid that if I sleep, I'll find out I was dreaming. Because to find out that you are just a dream would be a nightmare. So I scoot in a bit closer and kiss your hand and I try to feel everything before everything goes dark. And then it's morning. And you're still there. Or is it here?
And I think about all of that while I'm in my bed and feel everything. Diluted. But it's still screaming with feeling and seeing. And I can barely sleep. But I know I know I know I should sleep.