i'm not searching for "just for fun,"
the puppy-love craved by children
who desire clammy hand-holding
and uncomfortable glances

i don't want "just because"
or a filler just for now
until someone with brighter eyes
and a genuine smile
decides to replace me

i don't want to be a second option
or to force smiles
or to try and impress
all for the sake of a title

i want not being able to fall asleep
even with the weight of a whole day's stress
resting upon my heavy eyelids
and i crave
not being able to breathe
because then, the empty spaces
and incomplete pieces
in my lungs
in my heart
in my brain
will be overflowing
with thoughts of you