I have to admit
that I am quite sick
I am sick of being anxious
I am sick of my unconscious
and its thoughts that shape
the way I behave

I was told that because of Anxiety
I have developed this need,
a thought that like a small seed
started growing inside myself
slowly stretching its roots
reaching and taking control over
the deepest and hidden part of my soul
a thought that slowly turned into a voice
my voice

I began to talk to myself
as I was someone else
as I was someone coming from the outside
who shouting and giving me orders
craved to control myself from the inside
“Isabel you can’t let Anxiety win”
this is what I told myself many times
until one day my complex mind
decided to prove
that it was able to regain control
over my mind and soul

I started from what to me were
the easiest steps to control
losing weight
and my food intake
they were so easy to restrain
that I did not realise that by counting calories
I was helping that inner voice
become more and more powerful
and I…I was not regaining control
at all

Today I am still struggling
and I do not know how long it will take
for me to defeat Anxiety
but maybe this is what it is all about
understanding that overall
no one can be in absolute control