Laughter like lightning fills the air as I crack another bad joke,
her smile lifting the weight on my shoulders as she breathes in the smoke from her mid-day cigarette.

She nudges me and makes some remark about something I once said, or did, and we giggle at memories made and times gone by.

I wish her well and tell her goodbye, walking out of the door with hands in pockets and scarf wrapped tightly around my neck, protecting me from the cold.
I reach for my phone and see that already, her mask has dropped and her inner thoughts are being spilled onto private social media like a lost diary. She tells her thoughts to a screen rather than to me.

"I want to die"
"Someone help me, please"
"I deserve it all"
"I don't want to be alone"
"Cut cut bleed bleed starve starve"

In my minds eye I see her:
her laugh like lightning and smiles that lift weight from my shoulders
and I just wish that those beautiful emotions she presents to me
were real.