Sometimes I like to think
That you just moved real far away
And that you got a job being a jeweler
At a different far away jewelry store
Because you hated working
For your father who never
Believed in you the right way
And that you just couldn’t drive
That silly old van hours to see us

And then I remember
I drive that van now
I have your guitars on your rack
In my room near the window
Eggay the cat is here
Not at your Fishtown Philadelphia house
I wear your ratty denim coat
To school to feel your embrace
When I cannot keep a smile on
I keep your bifocals locked up
In a display case with your
Memorial pamphlet
That says you were buried
On January twenty first
Of two thousand ten.

I do wonder on days like this
What you’ll say to me
When we see each other again
I wonder if your tears will be so real
Like they were when we had to leave
The vacation early because I ****** it up

I wish I could inhale your scent
Of cigarettes and beer and
Father

I wish I could remember what you sounded like
So crisp in my head
Yet the fear you caused absent in my nerves

I still remember every tattoo you had
Encompassing your whole body
In a beautiful mural
Like the ones we’d see
When you drove us from mother’s home
To yours

You had Julia in purple on your left shoulder
Overseeing the chinese dragon
That flew through the mountains and sunshine on your arm

Rayna’s name was inked underneath that same arm
And my name inked underneath the right
Mine sitting underneath another dragon
Sweeping through a thunderstorm

On your one leg was a blue diamond
A homage to your passion and your life
On the other was a daddy sea horse
With its two babies in tow

On your back was a few odd ones
Aliens smoking a joint in their ship
A heart made out of machinery
And knuckles punching someone’s teeth out

I remember being so proud
To have a daddy who was so
Unapologetically himself
Despite him being unapologetic
When he hurt people

And I am still proud to say
I am your daughter
Who is just as uniquely unapologetic
For who I am
As you were
Love you daddy