let me be alone

when i show you my work, you tell me i have talent
but here is the truth - loneliness is the key to cultivation
anyone else in the room is a hawk in wait
every sound i hear is a step closer
i can measure in seconds how long until they look
there is something weak in being a poet
and something that should be hidden
the concept of poetry is something too unusual and too emotional and too weak



2. let me hide myself

you tell me i have talent, but i tell myself i have this insecurity:
im worried of writing too beautifully, im worried of being too personal or too unpersonal, im worried,
the thing i desire most is a disconnect between the words on the screen-

-and my keystroke fingers typing them
a wire sheared in half, red and blue cords spitting out of their black cage, neutrons and protons that will never reach a destination
it will be better if i'm reading another's work and not my own



3. let me have other dreams

i have this insecurity, but i also have big dreams
i dreamt of starting government rebellions with pens and ink
i dreamt of fantasy worlds with their own big bang: my first word
i dreamt of heroes battling with swords while i battle for the best phrases

but these are only things i dream about
and poetry books are not full-length novels or epics
i will never have inspiration for fifty thousand words or reach into double-digit chapters
but i wish i could



4. let me have this dream

i have big dreams
and this is why i will show you my work