baby doll
remember when we were glad participants in something that we knew would take us nowhere but to the closed closet door behind the stage?
remember when we couldn't get enough
of summer eyes and pretty days
i have seen too many of those
feed me something new
feed me spiraling star shine
feed me the blood of pretty girls
feed me something
*** i haven't touched food in a week

i broke my leg sneaking into homecoming
and danced on it for three weeks before they told me to stop
i ate too many pills at once because the doctors told me to
and was laid up in the hospital for a month
my muscles that once bunched tight under rippling scars
have been eaten by my bones

i kept the elevator key because i needed help up
now sitting in an empty college dorm
wondering if i love myself and
whether or not they really love me
drinking in their attention like wine
or at least like a slurry milkshake
but i can't tell if anything is getting down my throat
can't tell if my belly is ever gonna fill up
and most nights i think it won't
when i love i love so fully that i leave no room to be cherished
and when i wilt *** no one watered me
my roots leech bitter resentment
it is what i take in
my god
my god