and it’s my worst nightmare

there’s no humanity in your eyes

no warmth in your flesh

have i begged for this?

i chose wrong

taking for granted the ways this game might change

a twist of rules

a banishment of choices

a destruction of agreements

what were all the decisions i made for?

do i lack any will at all?

are my choices not even my own?

i fail to grasp a single shard of life in the collapsing reality

i am unable to obtain a sliver of self, of power, of will

as it bursts around me

i’m on my knees

barely breathing

i must be dreaming

visions flash before my eyes

hot red beams bore into my skin from above

all there is is destruction

all there is is death

touch me or don’t, i said

there are no hands to hold me now

no vessel to capture me

no defenses

and no hope

without hopes, without shared understanding and a direction

this is what becomes of heroes

this is what becomes of harlots

pirates and prostitutes in my memory

curse me, mock me

i feel nothing of it

i am not floating, i am not sailing

the stars are out of reach, i am beneath all matter

there is an unforgiving blackness all around

giving way to more vicious palettes;

a dark whispering grey

echoing tones of a dying sunset

and blood stains from centuries ago

in my mind i am running

i am escaping

towards the light

but all i feel is gravel beneath me

rough and real

slate, threatening

the devil is a painter

the canvas is smeared and ripped, dripping red and grey and black

beneath me it is red and grey

it is hopelessness

half is a haunting color that brings images of that menacing light

the evil tearing me limb from limb

bloodshed

another tone symbolizes an uncertain frame of time

not a forever

no time at all, perhaps

it is pain, it is ashes

the whispers of the fallen fill my lungs and i am on the verge of  sinking

down through the gravel

i endure the red beams and raise my gaze

hoping for some break in the darkness

a single speck of starlight, a gasp of warmth

but in your eyes i can only see

the world at its end, flames and the desperate wilting of all that is good

speechless and breathless and hopeless

more than wounded

i am finished, the die is cast

but it is not over