Break. Brake. Stop. I need a break; need to apply the emergency brake. I need to stop. I would not say that I am a person easily overwhelmed because I can truly say that I juggle many items/issues/people/jobs everyday. But sometimes I do get overwhelmed and it is ugly when that happens. It is something of a breakdown; or brakedown. Either way, life comes to a screeching halt.

I always resurface but I cannot really say that I am refreshed. I ran hard in the other direction but here I am, in the same place, still being forced to face all the voices that tell me that I am not good enough, undeserving, ill-fitting...

I struggle with wanting to fix what is broken and cleaning up messes that I have no business even touching. In this process, I lose myself. I do not take care of myself and then, before I know it, the brake is being pulled and I am caught in some sort of mental purgatory. It is a tough place to be but it does motivate me to press forward because I sure as hell know that stopped is not where I want to be.

So, I am back. I cannot say that I am new and improved but I am more determined to heal and become a version of myself that I can be proud of.