5. father dearest, i remember you telling me: "your mother's insides are burnt and black no good." of course, me being the child i was, i thought you meant that she was evil and that was the reason you didn't love her anymore. my mother could never be evil. i loved her.
8. father dearest, i'm starting to see a line of reflection between you two and that is the only thing that keeps you together. my mother's insides may be black and burnt and no good, but your heart is made of coal. my mother drinks herself sick every night and at this age i didn't know what blacking out was. i told you i cried and screamed at midnight. i told you i thought my mommy was dead. you scoffed and said "what a *****."
13. father dearest, you said my mother never cared about me. you said she smoked and drank when she was pregnant with me and that she kept on doing it in front of me later on. you said you would never touch her with a ten foot pole. she is only a woman. she is only a woman who breaks down at sight of a picture us when i was little and only being able to sob out: "we were so innocent."
14. father dearest, she is tired. she is lonely. she is almost 50 and she is still waiting on her fairy tale ending. you couldn't be patient with her? you couldn't try to help her? you say you don't love her because she sins in front of me. you say you are all knowing and that i just haven't realized it yet. but then i remember.
15. oh father dearest, i remember. i remember that my mother's insides are burnt and black and no good and i remember that you are all knowing and that i just haven't realized it yet. but do you realize that i cannot realize something that isn't there? i haven't seen your face in seven months and you still cannot answer my question why she waits for me to stop looking at her as she lights her 7th cigarette of the day.