bitter coffee helps camouflage the tremors
I shake my apologies inside closed fists and wait
for them to roll, always gambling for that final breath        
climbing beneath god's hands
reaching for empty bottles that offer cold handshakes
all the deals I made and now the devil has come knocking
on sharp metal and cracked windshield
her body will be found
in the midst of my soul's wreckage
I was given everything but love was found
in the glass bottom of momentary bliss
where an angel's shadow now resides
her memories will be turned into stories told by loved ones
that begin with "She was" and end in "If only"

if only I had lived a gentler life  
she was a catharsis for my demons

her death was the sound of everything ending