I don't know what happened to be honest
Maybe it was the first time I'd driven by there alone
Or I just felt the wave of nostalgia grip me just right
and drag me with it

I couldn't even remember which apartment was yours
Because even though I'd held you in my heart since I was Twelve
We never really discovered magic
Not enough for me to remember directions anyway

But I pulled into a lot that looked somewhat like yours
and stared up to the balcony on the third floor
Remembering bright orange hair
Me pretending to be drunk
Fireworks and getting you to count down with me
To a new year that you wouldn't be a part of

When I saw no lights
And no you smoking a clove cigarette
I got back into my car and sped off
Thinking if I drove by your job maybe you'd be walking home like you always did
That I could offer a ride
That I could offer an explanation as to why I was gone

When I retrace my steps with you I still don't know where to go
It's like they didn't belong to us, like I was a place holder
And I think about seven years and no understanding
That on valentines day all I ever wanted was a stupid box of candy
Or a note about how much I meant to you

Seven years was a long time in my life
Filled with honey brown eyes, freckles, loose curly golden hair
Many late night walks in our old neighborhood
Lunches spent in the library reading and sleeping
One date to get sushi, one night sleeping in your arms
So many debates I could't even count
And the first time my bitter heart felt love

But I drive home instead
Remembering why I just hung up when you yelled that I cheated on you
Letting you break up with me and never uttering goodbye
Why I spent the last few months as yours
Daydreaming about him

When I retrace my steps there is no sign of you
I'm starting to realize it's better that way.