I wish I could hate him
I wish he could fill me with a fiery desire
To eat his heart out,
Chew it up
And spit it to the ground

But that was last year
That was the boy who I always hated
The one I convinced myself I loved
Because I hated him so strongly

This boy is kind
He is good to me
And everyone else too
So when he doesn’t reply
Or makes me feel unwanted
I don’t even have it in me to feel angry

But I am angry,
Just not at him
Because how could I ever be?
He is the boy to put his arm around his mother
While picking up his brother
And holding him close

But that anger is still there
And I struggle every day
To find someone to be angry at,
But at the end of each day
The only person I’m left with
Is me.

So when a few ask
Why I don’t love myself
I tell them, “It is because I’m in love.”

Usually when I state this fact
They look confused and turn away
But if they were to listen a bit longer
They would hear me say,
“But he doesn’t love me.”

m.c.c.