I had to choose
Between being a poet
And keeping myself sane

I, as a poet
Would gaze into your iris
As you slept so peacefully in my bed
In spite of your absence

I, as a poet
Would relish as your fingers grazed over my body
As your breath sounded rough in my ear
Even when you're nowhere to be found
Or especially then

I, as a poet
Would write long exhausting words
Describing each aspect of being in love with you
Ignoring the dull ache in my hollowed out chest
Refusing to acknowledge my scars

I, as a poet
Would watch the glory of my stomach curving in
Saying no yet to another meal
I would feed lies to any pair of ears
That'd still to bear to hear them

The poet living inside my walls
Her love is an existential eternity
Her love is pretentious
But her love is her

I had to choose
Between being a poet
And keeping myself sane
To stop the voices in my head
Although I'm still not sure what I chose
For now
My voices agree with me