Falling apart recently,
hearing music…
seeing things out the
corners of my eyes.

Turn and look and there's nobody there. Dark, shadowy figures with the evil feel about them. Feeling tense. On edge. Mood is getting lower and lower and the only thing keeping me functioning slightly is the anxiety! Not sure what to do, what to think…trying to ask for help from friends/family because I know they can help me
but scared they won’t want to.

Stupid, stupid paranoia.
I hate this, I hate who I am, that I am this…
Not sure how to cope.

So so scared all the time,
thinking, feeling like 'they're' close…
watching…waiting…

Where is the barrier between this being 'in your mind' and 'real'?

Trying to remain level-headed is harder than I thought.
Trying to persuade myself it's not real
but my instinctual reaction is that that works with it being real.
I am so on edge...don’t know where to turn...how to cope…

Thinking about how much easier this would be if it was all over...
Self-harm…bad, horrible thoughts. Needing this…pain,
this urgency to hurt myself is driving me mad.
It is not normal to want to hurt yourself…I know that,
and when I'm feeling good, I'm able to keep a complete lid on it,
it doesn't even occur to me that it's something that needs to happen…
I know this, yet when my mood drops, it's back to my old ways, the before ways, the causing myself pain to function part of my life.

Plus, I keep having fears that I'll be possessed
and end up hurting people I know and love…
Not a very in depth fear for the moment…
but something that is crossing my mind…
What if these 'demons' are to try and get the most out of me
before I die…what if I am used to hurt others?
I almost feel like I have to avoid other people in case
I'm possessed and I hurt them.