"Just one" I say " wait just three , okay four" I swore I'd stop , "it's okay" I would say " nobody has to know " .

You see it can take one word , an action a sound , to make the gears in your head spin around and around . They can go as slow as a turtle on a hot summers day , wait don't think about summer , summer has to go away.

Summer can never be here , no sun or clear sky because sun means shorts , tank tops , your friends by your side .

" it's just for today , tomorrow will be fine " you tell your friends you're busy " it's okay , they won't ask you why" the voice inside my head has an answer for everything , it tells me how happy that little blade can make me .

" it can bring you to places you know you can enjoy, trust me? I'm sure I've never let you down before "

**** it's hot , I can't take my top off , oh god no not again , I can feel myself sweating , it's at the back of my neck , mocking me, yelling.

I'm so sick and tired of feeling this way , but the blood makes me happy , I never thought blood was beautiful till I saw it dripping out of my own skin , to see gravity pulling it straight to the ground , with it goes my sadness for a little while at least .

You see my daemons  never rest they sleep 2 hours at the most but something inside my head keeps willing me to go .

But summer can't be here , not yet , just stay away , I know if it comes my cuts and scars will be on show , **** what will my parents say , my cousin , my neighbours, **** what about my best friend she asked me if I was okay .

But of course I said no and found comfort in a blade, my body is a canvas ,I just paint it a different way.