i dont know why, but my body is craving for a beating.
a proper *** kicking if you may say!
it happens to me time to time
when i lie on my bed ,sleepless(again!)

i imagine how i would go through it
how i would walk into a bar  take a bottle of whiskey and smash it !
on the head of the first guy ill see,
which will then start a bar fight (obviously) and i will be in the center of it all..

my fingers twitch as i write this.
my  guts twist and turn,
there is a rush in my veins i cant explain
i feel like a junki looking for his secret stash

i indulge in my wild fantasy again.
picturing myself smiling through a broken jaw,
imagining blood trickling down my cracked skull..
for some reason i feel alive..

i think i need therapy, or some help..
there is saliva in my mouth and i play around pretending its blood
i give an evil smirk, i am  almost freaking myself out
and enjoying it while i do it..

oh what i wouldn't give to be beaten to an inch of my life right now
broken, shattered, in pain , anything would do..
just a fight! thats all i ask.
anything..  break few ribs, tear few tendons, give me a scar, which well tell my stories,

i am not sure, why i am like this..
may be because ill get people to finally acknowledge my existence
i am sure when most of you read through this your thoughts were..
sick, crazy, insane, attention seeker, he doesn't even rhyme!

lets go back a bit and go through the things you missed out..
i havent slept properly in last 6 months..
i have tried to swallow my loneliness mixing it with bottles of whiskey..
for so long i have stood in the shadows that i  want you to beat me up just so i know you can see me...
i want you to tear me limb to limb , crack open my skull just so i know i can feel pain ,i can feel hurt, i can feel something...
i am not numb,i am not a shadow, i am not  dead!