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Mar 2014
Ana
Pound after wretched pound.
i live on the scale.
the pain in my receding belly becomes comfort.
the mirror tells me I'm fat.
but when i lay curled up in bed,
i feel so small.
so insignificant.
so imperfect.
concern from friends and family,
worried doctors,
they're working against me.
i thought they wanted to help,
but ana whispered the truth in my ear.
they
want
me
fatter.
why else would they shove food at me.
months after i met ana.
I'm thinner.
no, not happy, but im reaching my goal.
she helps me.
she haunts me.
I'm slower. I'm hurting.
I'm never good enough for her.
try harder.
eat less.
If you don't feel fragile,
you're probably fat.
i can't escape her.
I'm so hungry.
I'm so cold.
I'm so alone.
everything makes me angry.
why bother living?
I don't care if I die as long as I'm thin.
The doctors said I might die anyways.
All I have left is ana.
her hold on me is strong.
stronger than me.
being thin is all that matters.
not love.
not life.
not even family.
they just want to make me fat
and I would rather die.
I personally do not struggle with anorexia. Years ago I did, for about 2 or 3 months, but because of doctors and my mother closely monitoring my food intake i was saved in early stages. After very close association with someone who does suffer, and has suffered for over a year, I understand the logistics. Anorexia is no longer a choice after a few months. It becomes a mental illness, causing the afflicted to lose trust for their loved ones, and hate themselves. it's very difficult to grasp the full horror and pain someone with an eating disorder goes through. you must have slight experience either with yourself of a loved one, or have done a lot of research. there is no cure. medicines do not help. it is a matter of how strong someone's determination is, and whether or not they want to get better. About 70% of eating disorder cases in the US proved fatal last year. many patients who try to get better relapse after a month of healthy weight gain. The way they see themselves is warped by the mental illness stage, and they can only see the fat left on their bodies, even if they're only 5% body fat. Laughing at anorexia, or saying those affected by it are attention seekers can cause someone in later stages to become suicidal or self-loathing. many cases burn or cut themselves because they hate their bodies. It is nothing to laugh at. after only a year, if the patients are in the 60th percentile, they will suffer a heart attack, seizures, stroke, or fatal ***** failures. please watch what you say to someone suffering from anorexia. if you tell them they look healthy, they'lo take it as you calling them fate and will become self-loathing. if you say they look thinner, it is encouragement and they will strive to keep losing weight.
Written by
Abigail Keenan  Mass
(Mass)   
1.7k
   Angel McGee, --- and xxxx
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