I missed you then
I miss you still.
There isn't much else that I can say.
Do you know the amount of time
my heart has been in pain?

One hundred thirteen thousand eight hundred eighty, give or take.
That's 13 years of hours.
And I finally feel ok.

This poem I've rewritten now
about 20 thousand times.
Struggling with all my might
to figure out the lines.

It seems that I've said everything
that I had to say.
Like how I'm sorry for not giving you,
your hug or kiss that day.
Or how I will forever regret
the one "I love you" I DIDN'T say.

If I could turn back the clock
to the last day I ever saw you,
knowing what I know now
I know just what I would do.

I would give you the biggest hug
I'd ever given to anyone.
And I'd say I love you so many times
like maybe infinite times, plus one.

But I can't go back despite my guilt
and you'll never hug me again.
I'll never get to hear your voice
or introduce another boyfriend.

You wont get to be here
to watch my girls become who they will be.
You also won't be around
for any future milestones for me.
Like if I get clean or get my kids
or if I ever really mature.

I won't get to see you smile
or hear how you knew it all along.
That I would get my girls back.
That I was a good mom

I think I finally have come to terms
with the fact you had to go on.
And I've truely said all I can
so I think this is the last poem.

Please don't think you've left my thoughts,
that's not at all the case.
I just think I've said enough times now
I love you and you're missed.

So I'll leave you with just one more thing,
before I truly let you sleep.
I always have and always will love you.
And in my heart you'll keep

I hope to oneday see you again
And I'll miss you till I die.
So please Rest well uncle Chris,


This is the final Goodbye.