I longed for
peace and fun
    some sense of belong-ing
              never wrong doing

I needed you
I wanted you
I ran for you
every day
it's all I knew
I didn't know
you
    I wanted to
I
     wanted
                    to.

you ran away from
me
ran away from peace
you kept running
and I kept falling behind
losing my mind
as you left
losing your breath
                                       so fast
gone with the wind
gone with the tide
every tide
another lie
another poem
another one gone
another frown
into my own arms
twirling and hating
shaming and blaming
always gone
never found.

the tide would win
bruises were found
hide my frowns
never a crown
always a clown
with you
longing for you
what could I do
what could I be
you were lost
inside the sea
lost without me
a sense of being

who are you?
why are you?
will I ever find you?
did I ever have you?
why do you torture me?
why do you paint me so dark
and blue
leaving out all the other hues
why can't you see me as I am
as my true
my true self
....there you go again
run run running
away
at the thought of another quake
inside my brain
another flake
falling into grains
falling into it's own pieces
melted inside my bowl
my bowl spills empty
there you go
you always know

always know
how to empty my bowl

I'll keep chasing
I'll keep racing
sometimes I break
break into two
I love me
or do I love you
can't it be both?
love for all?
forgiveness and all that?
I guess you'll never know that
maybe I won't either ...

I keep running
running away
from me
running away from you
I tire now
of all this running
when ?
tell me sweet little voices
when?
when will i truly get to know you
stop running
start loving
please
start
    pouring
             my bowl is empty
start the rain
stop the shame
let me dance in the rain
                                       with   you