i wonder what heavens like is my grandma there? is both my grandpas there? is cassy, lilly, and stella there? are my friends there?
is it quiet at night there? is it peaceful like the morning sun rising over the ocean so calmy? is there thunderstorms that put you to sleep? is there no pain there? do you laugh so hard your stomach aches there?
why does it sound nicer to be there than it does to be here within all of this ******* chaos within all of this ******* pain why am i here and not there?