i perceive
the pull of  g r a v i t y
to contain more strength

it isn't personal
just more urgent
...it seems to have a job to do
(which is to pull me down)

i can't say that i'm fighting it.

that was a lie.

i am thrashing
with all my force.

i am crying my cells
right out of my ******* eyes

i am trembling and twitching
muscles exhausted and tense

my matter is interacting
in an unstable manner
  my particles could separate and collide
at colossal speeds
at any moment

connections are made
brain to arm to paper
repeatedly
words cook like chemistry
stewing and melding over time
and suddenly are done

colors
   lines
shapes
      f l o w
   m o v e
do not need  
r u m i n a t i o n
just
action

why the sudden emotion
the overwhelming
    sense of loss?

the tears
that stream uncontrollably?

everything feels wrong
but him
               and he is g o n e.