i feel the most like myself
when it's just me and four walls;
red rivers in my eyes,
getting lost in a cavern of thoughts

nobody's here but me;
i invite them, though
and i understand when they don't want to enter
because it's cold and dark in here;
you need a flashlight just to see what's right in front of you

but i've avoided these pillars of light
for ages it seems
because when i introduce light to the darkness
all i can see is desolation

i've tried to reject this reality,
to find a new normal
getting so close
but always being turned away
almost like i'm not meant to have happiness

or maybe i just can't handle the light