a surprise. one that greets with fire but not through candle it is match stick spark lit aggressive heat that the brain fights to suppress it was 2 in the afternoon when it happened no warning sign no bright red label surrounded with people i knew and god, they k n e w i didnt think it would happen like that a slow hum of sharp fear blue flame familiarity its embers buried inside of my toothpick ribcage i couldnt get it out in time and so the panic set in. im afraid to ask if anyone else here is no stranger to that introduction like a song that begins with the loud part and only the loud part and it is constantly the loud part red spilling into your eardrums clanging around the tympanic membrane and right down to your gut it looks like boulders like the Grand Canyon splitting or a forever small box the way it looked never changed. seeing the pale blue crystal in tears hard, burned oak in my fists egg-shell knuckled but ready to rip limb from limb and then it evaporates. like the way fog breath disappears into the air it mixes in with the sadness. and i apologize if this is too graphic but it looks like an eclipse if our era was set in BC 196 because you see its like a volcano and maybe someone else has said it was like that too but it is. it is your brain-skin melting and resolidifying within the span of only 15 minutes or less it's breathing in nails in thirsty desert but when my body tires of this I trust in myself that it will my blood find their wave of calm i will remember the bright yellow of you the pale periwinkle smile and warm kind of blue.
a poem i wrote after a panic attack three minutes before going on stage for slam.