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Jan 2020
Have you considered crying,
The numerous voices say?
Use their guilt at your pain
To make them go away.

How do I get them to stop talking
When grief keeps me in bed?
They can say nothing worthwhile
About the fact my brother is dead.

While you struggle with picking
The emoji for my text,
I struggle with the hymns with
Which my brother should be blessed.

And while you struggle with finding
The right thing about me to say.
I must pick a coffin in which
My brother will lay.

How can you say nothing?
When I just disappear?
I'm not coming to school
I haven’t smiled in a year.

How can you say such nonsense?
Such ******* to my face?
About how you hate your siblings
I wish I could take your place.

Don't you see I wish to hate him?
But now that he has let go,
Don’t you see how those words hurt me?
That there’s something you should know?

That I considered crying,
To make you go away.
Contemplated emotional blackmail
To stop the thoughtless things, you say.

And of course, there will be crying
Because he was precious to me.
My face awash with tears
That for some reason you can’t see.

And even if you see them,
There’s nothing to be said
Because words still fail to fix this
And my brother is still dead.
Talking and not talking, both have their challenges.
Written by
Eleanor  17/F/Ireland
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