I am a "zoomer",
which means that I grew up in this past decade.

Going into 2010, I was on the edge of being seven years old.
Thinking that this is when my life will really begin.
That ever-looming question.

I look back on this decade and think,
when did my life begin?
At what point, in the past 10 years,
did I open my eyes and see the world how it is?

Was it when I was 11 on an airplane for the first time,
seeing just how small we really are?
Or perhaps when I stood on the summit of the tallest peak
of the Rocky Mountains at 13?

Maybe it was when I came out for the first time in 2016.
In eighth grade, to my closest friend.
It could've been when someone called me a *** for the first time when I was 14, and I didn't know what it meant.

Or was it when I was 15, and realized that I was trans and panromantic?
Then again, it also might've been when I was newly 16 and tried to escape.

I know it's cliché, but if I had traveled back in time to this exact day in 2010,
I don't think my younger self would recognize me,
let alone believe what I tell them about this decade.

When I was 7, I thought 2020 was going to be high tech and futuristic.
I never thought that I'd be able to travel to so many new places.
I never thought I'd be pan, or a boy.
I never thought that people could be so hateful towards my existence.
I never thought that my mom would get sick.
I never thought that I'd add myself to statistics.

And then I realize that it's 2020 very soon,
and now I'm on the edge of being 17.
I'm still asking that question.
When will my life begin?

Except, this time, I know the answer.