there’s a scream stuck in my throat lives behind the picket fence of my gritted teeth
(I’ve always breathed through it drowned ever since) and the scream
like a poltergeist destroys everything that haunts it that it haunts it’s waiting to take over
like the monster from my nightmares (kills me in our yard the dark empty living room the roadsides that forest nearby it greets me in the kindergarten too and nobody else hides)
bares its maw burning abysmal
(not with rage but with the heavy unease of a barrage falling on the lowest piano keys the sharpest alarm of plates and glasses and voices shattering flying far)
hurts hurts and screams the wolf
like a child (a difficult one no way around it yet “look the potential leaks with every page read song stuttered perfectly mirrors two portraits in one downfall and isn’t it a ******* funny anecdote how this is going to end us all”
but don’t you cry regret crawl nothing not this not ever even Nobody’s fault sum of its worst parts and a bit more core overflowing dry)
shrieks screeches chokes on tears louder than fear it grows shriller as you near screams
(I forgot the reason my name if you ever gave such but our anger our anger is all we have left so it is ours and it is us)
stops barely to breathe never to swim always to fall as there’s too much and too little to feel to get out to calm
(asleep I rush in the invisible tar stay still yet still run as to stay still there is to lose it all myself the war the last trench rot soft pedal stuck down on my curses my calls of help but to stop is as good as to not so in a dusty ball under the bed I run with my tears and I yelp)
never to surrender or surrenders only when there’s no door to hit with its jagged little fists
(became an enemy territory when the barricade made of this small shivering stubborn bag of bones a desk and my red plastic armchair gave way in caved)
no trusty dear book to tear to bits (as all suddenly lie scattered sad and judging broken apart who could’ve done them so wrong I used to bawl though I knew just a sob ago I chose every and each one to maul)
when every bark every breath of energy has drained out and its vocal cords break too hard only then can it sink back shrink itself to fit my raw rickety heart
but the scream the scream has my lungs guts and arms firm grip no mind all harm
still dreams of dread with open eyes eats the sheep hogs my blanket feeds on restless sleep falls off the cliff to return like a villain dies