knee high socks
shorts
a long t-shirt.
i was in a sleeping bag pulled up to my chest
i was so so tired, but couldn’t seem to rest
& that's when he came in like a storm
his thunder was silent but i’d know the smell of rain anywhere
i wish i could say i tasted alcohol on his breath
or saw pills swimming in his eyes
but the only drug he was after
was a girl half his size.
i just wanted to sleep
but he had other ideas in mind.
he didn’t hover over me
which maybe i would’ve preferred
instead he sat next to me like we were simply family
doing family things
watching tv, you know
family things
except that wasn’t the case.
i tried to tell them, you know
i told them all what he did, just to see
“you should’ve kicked him,” they told me
“so we could have proof.”
“what were you wearing?” they asked me
“it’s your fault too.”
like i asked for this
like i craved the abuse.
and sometimes in my head, it was nothing but a dream
something i can wake up from
not something that aches each time i breathe
& do you know what my mother said after,
when i'd told her what he'd done
she said, "don't be so uptight, darling, he was just having fun,
he feels really really sorry
& if i were you,
i'd take advantage of this opportunity."