my friend how has fear consumed my lungs how i dare not open mouth for i choke years worth of screams how a body became so moldable so willing to feel hands it just stopped being i was created on saturn's ring my body constricted my mind an obsession breathing living meat quickly rising quickly falling
II
friend dare i say i miss you quite a bit even though you called me a freak quite a lot words that are like fists become set in stone your mind a raging ocean and me a human barely with my head above it.
III
i was once travelling and on the bus a man was sleeping and i started looking at man and oh friend i was fascinated how when he woke up he rubbed his eyes he drank some water and i started crying because how human of him to be thirsty and to rub the sleep of and to sleep i envied him i wish i could sleep for quite a while maybe even forever maybe... maybe i shoul.. wait where is it i can't find my body maybe i left it on that bus or maybe it's in his house or maybe it's still in school maybe even with you friend i shouldn't be so calm i shouldn't panic i hear your smile ''you truly don't care about anything'' where is my body whereismybodywhereismybodywhereismybodywhereismybody i hear your smile ''that's what happens when you design things too much'' friend please stop help me find it find me
IV
i saw you in a dream and you laughed like you were manic and naturally i laughed along i noticed you had fists for hands knuckles white squeezing i couldn't breathe suddenly laughing turned to sobbing your hands were red blood so much blood covering you a hole in my shirt my favorite shirt heart was gone you were gone too screaming didn't help waking up is not an option i mean my heart i have to i need to find it what are they gonna say when they see the hole so i run and i run and i see you in different cheekbones or brows mostly eyes and noses but it is never you kidnappers are hard to find after the initial hours and how long was it since i last felt a heartbeat hours? has it been months? or even..years i'm losing hope there are still parts to be found my body my sick breathing clay my body i think it's finally time to
WAKE UP
V
let me look for you one last time.
if someone actually reads this whole thing i love you