my spine crawls at the realization that
"i am back for the million of hours lost
when i wouldn't accept that i wanted,
or at least discovered, death's reason."

my back breaks when i finally drop
the load of toxicity that i used to have,
the toxicity that i now visibly contract at.
but others are the ones who have grudges seeping into them.
at least, i think

i am back
but i will be gone
because commitment gives me mr.anxiety as a counselor