today looks like knowing.
it looks like coming to and realizing that making me feel hard to love has more to do with your heart than mine.

realizing you brought out the lesser parts of me.
the unease,
the pain,
the doubt,
all this waiting

and in the end you are only sadness.
and i’ve fought my whole life for happy.
i’ve fought my whole life for the opposite of you.
there are no regrets here, because this brought me closer to myself.
closer to trusting me.

all this time i was waiting for the silence,
to hear the right voice in my head.
...it took so long
because i thought I was waiting for you.