Feb 2019
Cast to the side, here i stand. You may be gone, but i’m forever left with the aftermath of loving you. Tell me, was it your intention to destroy me so completely? To think back on all the times you hurt me as i find myself lying next to someone new, or all the times that i am beneath someone else and i have to close my eyes to fight the panic rising inside me - did you mean to have this impact on my life? I am stuck between resentment and a feeling of loss; you were the greatest love of my life so far, but also the greatest pain. Lover, i miss you some nights and i can’t deny that. Your eyes, your smile, your voice… all were perfect. You were perfect, until suddenly you weren’t. And now i’m scared of falling for someone new, and discovering that I’m just as wrong about them as i was for you. See, my dear, i can’t survive someone like you again. Once was already almost too much for me. The scars on my arm still aren’t quite healed, as well as the scars on my heart.
Tell me, do you ever think of me late at night when you can’t sleep when you’re next to someone else? Do you think of the ways that i loved you, that i cared (that i still care). Call me nostalgic, but we could’ve been perfect if you were the person that i thought you were. I hate how you deceived me, letting me fall in love with a person that you fully knew never existed.
Since you’ve been gone, i can’t cry, i can’t love. I eat too much to drown out my feelings, i can’t workout since the impact that you left on me leaves me always exhausted. It hurts even more to know that you’re doing well, and that you’re not feeling the impact of the loss of me. But what else could i have expected (you made sure to tell and show me how expendable i was to you). In your eyes, i was nothing more than a shoulder for you to cry upon. I wish i could hate you, but i can’t. How could i hate you when it was my mistake to fall for you in the first place?
Sometimes i look back at pictures of you and the sight of you takes my breath away. You were exquisite. Perfect face, perfect body, perfect facade. You knew exactly what you were doing, systematically breaking me down until i was nothing more than a fragment of the girl i used to be. And now that you’re gone i’m left trying to find a girl that no longer exists. You used your looks and charm to get me, just to prove you could. You tore me apart slowly and then all at once, just to prove you could.
Tell me, do you ever think of me late at night when you can’t sleep when you’re next to someone else? Do you think of the ways that i loved you, that i cared (that i still care). Call me nostalgic, but we could’ve been perfect if you were the person that i thought you were. I hate how you deceived me, letting me fall in love with a person that you fully knew never existed.
Since you’ve been gone, i can’t cry, i can’t love. I eat too much to drown out my feelings, i can’t workout since the impact that you left on me leaves me always exhausted. It hurts even more to know that you’re doing well, and that you’re not feeling the impact of the loss of me. But what else could i have expected (you made sure to tell and show me how expendable i was to you). In your eyes, i was nothing more than a shoulder for you to cry upon. I wish i could hate you, but i can’t. How could i hate you when it was my mistake to fall for you in the first place?
Sometimes i look back at pictures of you and the sight of you takes my breath away. You were exquisite. Perfect face, perfect body, perfect facade. You knew exactly what you were doing, systematically breaking me down until i was nothing more than a fragment of the girl i used to be. And now that you’re gone i’m left trying to find a girl that no longer exists. You used your looks and charm to get me, just to prove you could. You tore me apart slowly and then all at once, just to prove you could.
