I am more than my thoughts
More than the mountains that
Move in my mind.
The ones that shift over time
That wreck me
Pin me down
Until I cannot climb them anymore.
Who lit the fire in my heart?
To stay with you
To never be apart
To mend me to your wellbeing,
To **** me when you're not seeing.
Why do I hurt
Why do I stall
Why do I think I feel nothing at all?
When really I feel everything all at once.
So intensely that I cannot recall
Why we were arguing
And just that you're wrong.
And why did my father have to betray me?
Why did my mother never come to save me?
Why did I wait and never call out—
Why did I hinder and let myself down?
How can such trauma at such a young age
Tear me down and do nothing but degrade
The human I am.
The Human I’ve become.

I am human

But how can I be when I cannot feel safe
Without someone else beside me who stays.
I do love myself and sometimes I feel great
But I need you too for some help along the way.
I'm shuddering now at the thoughts in my head;
The ones who are happy but wishing I were dead.
Who knows me better than I know myself?
But somehow you come back to every thought that I have.
I can never escape this,
I can never replace this.