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Dec 2018
Why her
Why her
Why anyone other than me
Me-the young girl who loves you unconditionally
The fragile girl who cares for you so deeply
The one girl who understands your broken happiness
The girl who gave her all to you
Gives her all to you

She said she could love you better
She said you trusted her more
She said she knows you better
After a week?!
She had convinced you that I can't love you
If I can't love myself
***** she called me
****
Worth less than dirt
Do you think she loves herself?
Can you say you love yourself?
No-you can't
But
I know you can love
I've seen it
Felt it
Believed it
Basked in its radiance
Bring it back to me.

Why her
Why her
Why anyone other than me
How could you touch her
How could you let your lips
Touch anyone else's
When I would treat you like a god
If that's what you want
Beg at my hands and knees
For you to use me
Protect me
Because there is no one above you
With your flaws
Your mistakes
There is no one above you

I
Am mad at you.
I hate being mad at you
Hate being mad at you
Part of me is so hurt
That I wish I could hurt you back
This anger sets fire to my lungs
And I know that when I speak to you,
Smoke escapes my lips
So I try
To keep my mouth shut!
I am trying to suffocate the fire
But the fire is suffocating me too
If I could stop the fire from breathing I would
The fire would die
But so would I
I am dying
I can't tell when you are lying

I want to hurt you back
It wouldn't be hard to get someone else
In my bed
On my lips
I feel sick saying that
Sick to my stomach for thinking that
Like how I felt those couple of weeks
When I knew something was wrong
I DID know something was terribly, terribly wrong
I told you I felt something was terribly, terribly wrong
And you spoke with such patients "love, nothing is terribly, terribly wrong"
You lied
I trusted
I know that feeling well
It wasn't a wave of anxiety
It was truth
I wish I didn't trust you so easily
I have never trusted anyone so
Willingly
So lovingly
And you
Took advantage of that
Written// sometime in May of 2017
Hayley Rena
Written by
Hayley Rena  18/Cisgender Female/U.S.A.
(18/Cisgender Female/U.S.A.)   
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