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Dec 2018
“Awake”
***** getting deeper and deeper
I cut to the bone
Can’t say that I’m happy
Just feel so alone

Missing my family
Missing my home
Missing the girl
That made me feel whole

Missing the times
Where I never felt empty
My family was fixed
And our wallets were heavy
My life was alright
Id sleep through the night
Yeah I’m missing the times
Where I felt so alive

I feel broken
Happiness was stolen
Where my heart used to be
There’s a hole that’s open
Pop so many pills
feel like overdosing
when night turns to morning
Pray my eyes are still closed
and

I’m lost
Just pray to be found
Feeling emotions
I just wanna feel ground
Smoking this dope
Tying this rope
Kick back the chair
Then I start to choke

It’s a myth
That life is worth living
I’m tired of this
I just wanna give in

Dig me a hole
Don’t wanna grow old
Learning life’s lessons’ like
Digging for gold

So I’ll say
a thousand times
That I’m feeling good
and I’m feeling ******* fine

When I smile
just know it’s a lie
Cause When I’m alone
I just wanna die

I’m sorry mom
I’m sorry dad
Can’t fix the emotions
And the feelings I have
I know that it hurts and I know you’ll be sad
But the way I see things
I’m just another body bag

To my ex
Girl I really miss you
I know I ****** up
I know I got issues
I know I’m a mess
I know that **** hurt you
But the way I live life
I never deserved you

But if you come back
I’ll never desert you
I’ll stop all the drugs
Cause our love had no curfew

We’d sit up for hours
We’d talk lots of ****
You’d say that you love me
Man I miss every bit

Wouldn’t trade what we had
for a life full of fame
Give me one chance
I’ll show you I’ve changed

But the good josh you knew
Yeah he’s still the same
Still don’t believe me
Well I guess I’m to blame

You had a heart
The purest of gold
In my mind
I thought we’d grow old

But after the talks
bout death and defeat
I’m starting to realize
you grew tired of me

You grew tired of me
And I’m still into you
See your smile everyday
****** you look cute

You’re a beaut
I’m a fucken mess
If I get married
Hope it’s you in that dress

You in my life
That’d be a miracle
The connection we had
It was something so spiritual

But you’re gone
And I don’t wanna face that
Rather **** myself
Hope everything fades to black

She’s confused bout the feeling I hide maybe it’s cause I just wanna die

I’m lost and so empty
Yeah I feel so alone
Just waiting for the day
I call heaven my home
Most recent song I’ve written
Joshua Van Der Spuy
Written by
Joshua Van Der Spuy  20/M/Cape Town, South Africa
(20/M/Cape Town, South Africa)   
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