its hard for me to remember my own feelings
I always forget that beautiful things exist in this world
having been numb for so long
waking up seems scary

damped by the thoughts of other
feeling others feelings
instead of spending time with myself
even though all the time
I'm by myself

no one cares for me these days
I know it to be true
since I care for no one currently
even pushing them away
because I know I'll disappoint them

stuck in the between place
of young and grown
novice and knowing
foreign and fluent
is so comfortable that its uncomfortable

silence makes me nervous
yet the sound distracts me

I start a new thing
and quickly leave it
never progressing
always upsetting myself

these days
are a slow climb for me
I dont know where the valley ends
and my mountain begins

but I just hope
all my numb feelings dont turn to pain anymore
all my flaws dont hold me down anymore
all of my self doesn't cower anymore

because my feelings all feel foreign
and disappointment is too comfortable these days.