Sometimes I lie awake at night, unable to sleep, and my thoughts drift towards you.
Our first kiss, in what became “our” booth at “our” restaurant.
I was shy, scared to make the first move, scared of being rejected so my mouth ran away with itself, all the while my mind screaming at me to shut up.
I was looking into your eyes, thinking how beautiful they were, and rambling. Then, it happened. That click, that unmistakable sensation of tumblers falling into place somewhere inside of me as I watched you.
You kissed me.
It was electric, like a charge running through bare wire, and the world simply fell away. Nothing mattered except for your lips, and my hands in your hair, and the sweet sensation of those tumblers clicking into place.
I knew I loved you then.
I think about that, and then I wonder how it could have went so wrong. How could a moment, a feeling, as strong as that lead to this?
Love turning to bitterness, and hatred, and regret.
Then the dust settles, and it all boils away and the bad memories are the first to go. The memories of the fights, and the suspicions, and the stupid choices that were made.
Then you are left with the good memories, the memories that seem to cut you harder than anything else could because of the simplicity of them.
They are memories of the love, the looks, the trust, and they make you want to pick up your phone and send that simple “I’m sorry”....but you are too afraid.
That first kiss though, that was real. Those feelings were real, and that memory is worth the pain.
Our booth. Our restaurant.
Our love.