i am in awe
of myself.
i am the most resilient person i know
and it really ******* ***** sometimes.
god made me incredibly strong,
empathetic,
the friend that supports their friends
and doesn't expect support in return.
but god also made me depressed
i forgive him,
but most times it's waves of sadness
and sometimes it's hurricane season
and i wish i knew how to ask for help.
i don't know how to swim
(this is true)
so normally i just stay out of the water
and sometimes i dip my toes in
and that's when the waves pull me
and they drown me.
there's no lifeguards
because there wasn't any but me to begin with,
and if there had been,
they would've gone home already,
because no one knows what to do when the lifeguard drowns.
i think sometimes i get into these depressions
where i can't breathe or do anything
except feel sorry for myself
because nobody feels sorry for me, a,
(which is my fault because i don't let them know
there's anything to feel sorry for at all)
and because i spend so much time
feeling sorry and saying sorry and being sorry
for everyone else
that sometimes it just hits me like a brick ******* wall.
i think, right now, i just need
a **** good cry.